Is it possible to rekindle a relationship with an ex? How to maintain a friendly relationship with an ex-boyfriend. "Let's be friends" - myths and reality

They will, but only if you decide to start all over again. Since the feelings do not subside, and the reason for the breakup was not so insurmountable, then resuming the relationship is a good idea. After all, they are simply doomed to success.

The fact is that you have already gone through enough, but have not managed to jump over one obstacle. The one that prompted you to end the relationship. But the attraction to the former remained, and the reason now does not seem so relevant, or it can be corrected. That is, I want back, I want past relationships. So don't hold back, and here's why.

You have feelings for each other, and this is already something

Our sympathy is largely due to feelings, those pleasant sensations that the beloved causes. This is what distinguishes him from the crowd of such guys, as soon as he excites and only he has a desire to devote himself. If you still love your ex-boyfriend, then the foundation for a future successful relationship has already been laid. It's much better than trying to drive them away into the depths of the heart, looking for a new candidate and trying to love him.

Without feelings, the boiling of "internal love energies" it is impossible to build what is called a family. It will be only a parody with a constant imitation of well-being. Since these energies are still seething in you, and in both of you, you should definitely give yourself a chance for happiness.

You know other people's flaws and positive traits

You've been in a relationship before, so you know a lot about him. Both good and bad. And before that it suited you - you liked the dimples on your cheeks, you liked his singing with a guitar, his housekeeping, slight aggressiveness, and so on. Only one of his misdeeds or something like that brought you out, and you decided to disperse. In general, everything is fine, and if you continue the relationship, you will no longer have to “get acquainted” again, start from scratch.

In addition, you now know yourself better, the limits of your patience, and he knows them. You already know the taste of parting, which means that in the event of a resumption of relations, you will be more careful about them. That is, your separation was an occasion to get to know each other even better. And since you are so “informed” and there is no more reason not to get together, then why not do it.

You are ready to forgive, and this is already a lot

The decision to renew the relationship suggests that you are ready to forgive, to compromise. Indeed, in order to reunite again, you will have to forgive him that unfortunate offense that served as a reason for the break, which means that you appreciate everything that you had before. And that means there is something to develop further, so why not?

Understanding and forgiveness are essential, essential, to build a happy marriage. Finding the strength to forgive your ex and give him a second chance, you will realize that you have such qualities, and your chosen one will certainly appreciate your generosity. If not, then explain - it is not forbidden.

Do you have a lot of good memories?

Everything positive that you accumulated before parting will forever remain with you and will warm you in moments of memories. Whether you decide to get together or not, you will still have these pleasant experiences in common. And, plunging into them, you will be imbued with the same feelings for your partner that you had previously mastered. And if you put aside the lyrics, then common pleasant moments, experiences, events are better than nothing. It is possible, inspired by the good past, to continue to develop what was created earlier, of course, on a different level, more conscious.

You already have joint results! And if what crossed them out can be corrected or forgotten, then on their basis you will build more than if you start a relationship with a new partner. Think about it well. Can you just forget about the past, won't you regret it later? After all, there are many good things in the past.

More than 60% of newly reunited couples still managed to build happy marriages

So, you also have a great chance, once again believing in the former, to create what you planned - a happy family with a bunch of kids and grandchildren. Maybe the reason for such statistics is that early relationships are more sincere, more open and pure, which means that love is more real, the one that lasts forever? Or maybe the reasons for parting often do not depend on lovers, for example, their parents separate them, or just because of their youth they overreact to a trifle and use it as an excuse to break off relations? For you it is not so important. The main thing is that the chance you gave your ex will surely come true. Research confirms - 60% that everything will end successfully. Think about it.

Whether or not you decide to resume old relationships, and how they will develop, in any case, only time will tell. You just have to think it over, take into account all the positive arguments and, listening to your heart, make your choice. And if you still agree to return to your ex-boyfriend, then no one will give you guarantees of a cloudless relationship, but there will be more chances to build a strong family with an atmosphere of love and prosperity reigning in it. Be happy and loved and don't forget to press the buttons

In previous articles on the return of my beloved, I talked a lot about what measures should be taken and what behaviors to choose in order to maintain high chances for the return of an ex-boyfriend with a fairly high degree of probability.

After the publication of the article “Bring the guy back: Why is time working for you?” some readers asked a completely logical question: “When will the time come to start restoring relations with the former? How to determine that the time has come? Today I will try to answer this question, at least in general terms, because there will be no simple and short answer.

If you have not read the article "", I advise you to read it before continuing to read, otherwise you will not understand what, in fact, it is about.

How do you know that it is “already possible” to restore a relationship?

First, let's take a look at the chart I posted earlier.

This chart shows the period after the break. The solid line indicates your attitude towards the guy, and the dotted line - his attitude towards you. However, the schedule will only look like this if you followed the recommendations and did not desperately try to get your boyfriend back “immediately”, “now”, “as soon as possible” by any available means.

As I already wrote, all attempts to restore relations immediately after the break will not give a result and will not lead to anything good, but will only complicate the return of a loved one or even make this process impossible.

So, how do you know that the guy's attitude towards you has crossed the conditional "zero" at point D and moved to the positive zone?

I warn you that all indicators are “very general” and may not be suitable for your specific situation. I just want to give you some direction to think about, but your intuition will tell you a lot more than this article. It is intuition, not fantasy! Keep this in mind and don't let your imagination turn what you want into reality.

The first indicator is Time. How much time must pass? There cannot be a clear answer here. It all depends on a number of factors, among which two main ones can be distinguished:

• duration and nature of the relationship before the break. Were your relationships smooth and harmonious or accompanied by constant quarrels. What was the gap itself: sharp and unexpected or long brewing like a purulent abscess.
• the state of the guy himself after the break. How easy or hard was it for him after he broke up with you. Did he have a new girlfriend and how did their relationship develop.

But in any case, the time period indicated on the chart by the segment C-D will not be short. Usually these are not days or weeks, but months.

The second indicator is Information. If you get information that your ex-boyfriend is asking about you (and it doesn’t matter why he does it), then with a high degree of probability we can assume that his attitude towards you has moved into the positive zone.

The third indicator - Reaction. Your ex stops avoiding you and does not look away when random encounters. He can also act as the initiator of the beginning of communication with you (under the guise of friendship or something else).

As you can see, everything is very vague. It is possible that you will not have all three indicators and only one will remain - time. This indicator will not go anywhere, you can rest assured.

There is still The fourth indicator is your own state. Remember! Don't try to start rebuilding your relationship until you are past the despair and pain of the loss. Your ally and first mate is common sense.

What to do and how to behave

Undoubtedly, in order to begin to restore relations with ex-boyfriend, You will need to establish contact with him. When you feel that enough time has passed and you are mentally ready, you can start.

You need to act carefully, delicately and very subtly. No "sharp movements" can be made. I will now give, maybe not a very correct comparison, but it is similar to the domestication of a wild animal. The slightest mistake and everything will have to start from the very beginning, but only with less hope of success.

Gradually, slowly and in such a way as not to arouse suspicion, you must move from simple communication as with ordinary acquaintances, to friendship, and then to friendship. This will take time and effort. It will be hard to hold back, especially if the guy is gentle and friendly with you. And you will want to throw yourself on his neck at the first kind word addressed to you. But this should not be done in any case, because it will frighten him.

Your behavior should be even, without manifestations of "peak" emotions. Be restrained, but benevolent and moderately caring. After analyzing your past relationships and realizing the mistakes, you do not have the right to show what caused the gap “not a millimeter”. Negativity, quarrels, resentment, etc. should be avoided by any means.
Make your ex feel comfortable with you like no one else. You have to work hard on yourself. Keep track of your appearance and facial expression - you should radiate confidence, but not arrogance and not a frank desire to please. Don't flirt with him!
Under no circumstances should you start discussing the ups and downs of your past relationship with your ex-boyfriend. And even if he himself suddenly starts a conversation on a similar topic - do not give in and translate the conversation in a different direction. Say that all this is in the past, and you do not want to relive unpleasant moments. Just do it gently and delicately. On the one hand, the guy should not get the impression that you are indifferent to such a discussion, and on the other hand, you cannot show that it hurts you very much.

When your relationship goes into a state of stable friendship, you can begin to slowly return to the past, choosing from there only pleasant memories for both of you. These memories should be romantic, but not intimate. For example, passing by some “yours and him” place, you can casually mention: “Do you remember how we hid here from the rain?” or something like that. Do this once and watch your reaction closely. If there is no positive response, then you have to wait more. If the reaction is positive, you can continue, but just do not part. For starters, one romantic episode from the past is enough for two or three meetings.

intimacy

It may happen that after establishing a friendly trusting relationship, your ex-boyfriend suddenly wants to have sex with you. This is especially true if he has a difficult relationship with a new girlfriend or is single.

Do not succumb to provocation, no matter how much you would like it. Men treat intimacy differently than we do. Emotional connection and intimacy are completely different things for them, therefore, after such spontaneous sex, your friendship may come to an end, and with it, hopes of restoring relations will die. The same applies to kisses, caresses, etc., as well as conversations on "intimate" topics. You must refuse such things gently, but confidently, so that the man has no doubt that you really do not want this, but not because he is unpleasant for you, but solely for moral and ethical reasons. Let's just say, he must understand that you are not pushing him away, but stopping yourself.
Until it is unequivocally and calmly determined that you love each other and have become a couple again, a rigid taboo is imposed on all intimacy.
Well, in general terms, perhaps, that's all. I tried to give direction and hope it helps you.

FROM THE AUTHOR: My responses in the comments are the opinion of a private individual, and not the recommendation of a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.

In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not expect that I will advise in the comments or accompany your situation.

Of course, you can ignore my request (which many do), but in this case, be prepared for the fact that I may not answer you. This is not a matter of principle, but exclusively of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.

If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact me for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.

With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica

“You don’t enter the same river twice,” says a Russian proverb, but in life it can be much more difficult to resist a second entry. Psychologists will agree with these statements, confirming that it is not the best thing to start a past relationship again. best idea. After all, once you already had to part for objective reasons, and more ... people do not change.

Fortunately, exceptions happen, and it is after parting that people realize that they cannot see a future life without each other. We will tell you what you should pay attention to when deciding on a relationship with an ex.

Honesty First

The main thing here is not to confuse true feelings with pleasant memories from the past. Do not cling to these relationships if they are just a way to escape loneliness.

Intimate talk

Before you start a past relationship again, discuss everything that caused you to break up. In order to avoid past mistakes, you must understand each other's point of view.

New relationship, new life

Such a relationship should not be a continuation of an old romance, it should be a new relationship - new life. All grievances, quarrels and omissions must remain in the past, otherwise the outcome will be predictable.

Trust only your feelings

Surely your friends and family will react negatively to the decision to renew relations, be prepared for this, especially if your breakup was painful and stormy.

Here you only need to trust and listen to your heart and intuition, because only you and your partner really know what is happening between you.

Get to know each other again

Take this relationship as new, do not miss the period of courtship and grinding. No years should cancel romance.

After almost every breakup, people experience nostalgic feelings and wonder if they made a mistake. Such moments are quite natural, even if you yourself were the initiator of the end of the relationship. However, if such thoughts visit you months or even years after parting, then perhaps something more serious lies behind them than simple longing for the old days. Since not all relationships are worthy of a second chance, you need to carefully weigh the pros and cons before considering reuniting with an ex-partner. After all, hardly anyone wants to be disappointed again! Here's what relationship expert Tia Cunningham-Sumter has to say about three signs that you might want to reconcile with your ex.

You understand that the reason for the breakup can be fixed

Perhaps you did not have a really serious reason for the breakup. After all, it often happens that a number of issues or difficulties that you and your ex-boyfriend considered insurmountable at a certain stage serve as the reason for the split of the couple. However, as time passes, it often comes to the realization that these were not such serious problems, and if desired, they can be solved quite simply with just a little effort.

Every new man you compare with the former

Surely you have at least gone on a few dates since the breakup. Most likely, each new candidate for your heart had some features that you did not like. And if you understand that it would be easier for you to put up with the bad habits or complexities of your ex's character than to get used to a new person, then this is a serious reason to try to resurrect the relationship.

Looking back, you realize that there was a strong bond between you

Of course, there were negative moments in your past. However, if you are becoming more and more aware that it was not only sympathy and sex that kept you together, but also a deeper friendship, then it definitely makes sense for you to think about rekindling a relationship with your ex. After all, friendship is the foundation for a truly strong and happy life together.

Nowadays, relationships are destroyed as often, and sometimes even more often, than new ones are made. And all because in most cases people first act and then think.

It happens that after breaking up with a man , you very soon begin to understand that in fact you cannot live without it. You realize how important he was to you.

And then the natural questions arise:« How to return a relationship ? How to correct a perfect mistake? .

Familiar situation?

If you are interested in the topic of this material, then it is close to you.

Let's not try to figure out why this happened. After all, you did not come for this, but for specific advice on how to get out of this situation. So let's get straight to the point.

Here is a step by step guide, how to get your ex backbeloved and fall in love with you again.

How to get your ex backif you still love

First of all, you need to decide is it really a good idea to try to return the relationship . Maybe you're just not right for each other and the end of the relationship was a logical conclusion. This is the first option.

And the second, more common situation : parting due to unwillingness or inability to listen and compromise.

Excessive emotionality in communication could lead to another quarrel, in the heat of which offensive words were spoken, which caused a breakup.

And even when emotions subsided and it became possible to think about the causes of the conflict, the fear of taking the first step leads to a sad ending.

He thinks he is not needed and leaves. And she doesn't stop him. Pride does not allow her to do this and ask for forgiveness. so what? Which situation is closer to you?

If the first, then there is no point in returning the relationship.

But if the second and you are sure that the feelings have not gone away, but simply become hostages of pride and fear, then trybuild relationshipsis certainly worth it.

So where do you start? After parting, an established connection is usually lost and former lovers stop seeing each other.

If you think about ithow to get your ex back and, most importantly, how to build relationships with him, you will have to find him and re-establish contact. At the same time, most likely, there will be certain awkward sensations, but you need to find the courage in yourself and talk to him again. And not somehow, but truly sincerely, so that he feels your desire start everything from scratch.

1. Call him

Many people are very it is difficult to meet face to face with former partners. But you don't have to see him in person to start a dialogue that will allowbuild relationships between you.

Nowadays, this problem can be solved very easily -just call him(write sms, sent an e-mail).

First, think carefully about what you want to talk to him about, and only after that dial his phone number (or start writing a letter). Choose your words carefully. Speak in a warm and friendly manner.

About what? Find out how he's doing, how he feels. Thank you for the pleasant moments that you had in a relationship. And which you are pleased to remember.

Questions like these won't help you right now, of course.return the relationship, but they will allow you to keep the conversation going for the time necessary to determine his reaction to your call: whether there is irritation, resentment or anger in his voice.

If the conversation is quite comfortable for both of you, then you can proceed to next step- tell me what you wantbuild relationships(at least friendly to begin with) andmake an appointment.

2. Ask for forgiveness

If you really want get the ex back, have to learn how to talk "I'm sorry" .

If you don't knowhow to build relationshipsthat were torn apart because you made a mistake, face that fact and bring your apologies to the ears of your beloved . You must make sure that he knows how much you regret what you did.

And even if it was not you, but your partner who was the culprit of the breakup, ask for forgiveness for not stopping him then.

3. Talking to his friends

It might be a very good idea to talk to his friends. It may well happen that they become your allies and helpreturn the relationshipthat were so recklessly lost. In addition, they can learn about how his life turned out after your breakup.

They can know if he still loves you, if he wants toreturn the relationshipwith you and how good your idea of ​​talking to him is.

Given the fact that they are his friends and not yours, not all of them will agree to help you. But if you sincerely talk about your feelings and regrets, there will surely be someone among them who will help.

4. He needs to know that you have changed.

Have you thought a lot about your behavior in the past that led to the current situation? Have you made every effort to change yourself for the better?

If you want your ex back, let him know that you turned the page of your life. . Promise (first of all, to yourself) that you will not repeat the mistakes that you made. Now you know what you want from a relationship and you are ready.

5. Impress him again

Not so easy make an unforgettable impression on a man when meeting. But doing it again is even harder. We'll have to try.

You can go a little more mundane and start giving him creative gifts, surprises, and other courtesies.

In case all these things don't work for him, come up with a different approach. For example, start doing something new that you have not done before.

If you are:

- didn’t like or didn’t know how to cook, make an effort and feed him a delicious dinner that you cook with your own hands;

- I was not particularly interested in his affairs at work, start to be interested.

Do everything to not onlyreturn the relationshipwho were before, and surprise him a second time. Forget that you know each other intimately. Act like you're on a first date . You should have the same mystery that so intrigued him in"that" once.

Everything should happen naturally. Think it's impossible? One wonderful girl did everything very well:

6. Memories

Each of you has pleasant memories from a shared past. Remind him of some of them.

Show him old shared photos or offer to meet at one of the places where your first dates took place.

Memories have the ability to ignite emotions that have long been extinguished. and remind you of the importance of certain things. And this is exactly what is needed in order tobuild relationships after a quarrel.

Memories can help get the ex back and let him know that the connection that arose sometime in the past between you is much more important than the troubles that caused the breakup.

7. Don't waste time

You must understand that no opportunity should be lost to express your feelings to him. If in the past it seemed to you that you still have a lot of time ahead of you and you will have time to tell him about your feelings sometime later, now you know that this is not so.

After all, at any moment an event can happen that will separate you again, andreturn the relationshipthe third time will be almost impossible.

Therefore, do not forget to remind him as often as possible that your love for him becomes stronger over time.

8. Reason

Your ex may ask about the reason for your desire to return to him.Remind him of what a wonderful couple you were before breaking up and how much you loved each other. Isn't that the most important reason toreturn the relationship?

There was only one parting, and there were many pleasant moments before that.Tell him how you would like