Psychology how to help a person in depression. How to support a person in a difficult situation: advice from psychologists. Leave your partner space

Text: Olga Miloradova

Depression is one of the most common mental illness of our time, but the attitude towards it remains ambiguous. We live in a society focused on success and well-being, where it is not accepted that you feel bad, and also ask for help, admitting your “defeat”. At the same time, depression has a veil not of a serious illness, but of whim and posturing: as the recent experience of our colleagues has shown, even adults and cultured people most often believe that a “normal” person will not have depression if he “tune in to positive”, and this problem can and should be dealt with on its own (this is not so).

Meanwhile, a competent, understanding attitude of others is important for the timely diagnosis and support of patients with depression no less than their own desire to be cured. This process is unlikely to be quick and painless, but it can be facilitated if you act in a planned and conscious manner. Psychotherapist Olga Miloradova explains what you need to be prepared for if your relative, friend or loved one suffers from depression.

Depression is "ennobled" by pop culture: it seems to be talking about it, or admitting to your illness, is much less scary than, for example, schizophrenia. But at the same time, this “much less” works already after the fact, when a person has recovered or is in remission: only then can he discuss and analyze what he has experienced with humor, and possibly without, but still “sensibly”. But not at the moment when you find him in stale pajamas in bed at three in the afternoon in tears or silent apathy.

The thing is, most of us haven't experienced these kinds of situations and may be convinced that a depressed person just needs some sun or a couple of hits to the gym. All the joy of revelation goes to loved ones, and even the most devoted person can not stand it and get confused, start ignoring the situation or even capitulate. Everyone loves cheerful people, but a true friend know when. The scale of the difficulties ahead of you is difficult to estimate in advance, but in order to survive them, it is important to correctly calculate your actions and understand what you are facing.

Often the suicide of a partner, child, friend or sister comes as a complete surprise to others.

It’s worth starting with being generally more attentive to each other. Paradoxically, the suicide of a partner, child, friend or sister often comes as a surprise to others. And this is the most terrible thing: despite the fact that the problem was most likely in sight, no one noticed it or attached any importance to it. This emotional and social blindness is where the greatest danger lies. Now they have begun to talk about the joint overcoming of serious diseases and even devote entire blogs to this struggle - this helps to remove the stigma from the no less frightening topic of oncology and show the importance of mutual support. This is a very important process, and depression deserves no less thoughtful and careful attention: in fact, few realize that this disease is potentially fatal and often ends in suicide.

Most often, relatives see changes: it is impossible not to notice them. The situation is complicated by the fact that these changes can be completely different: someone becomes more whiny or silent, almost always sad, perhaps irritable. Most often, he does not want to get up in the morning, misses school or work, perhaps he begins to drink more alcohol, someone loses his appetite, someone, on the contrary, "jams" his melancholy. In an ideal world, I would advise just talking to a person and asking what is happening to him, but in the real world, many can be married for decades and are not able to discuss issues of feelings and emotions. So here's some advice for you from afar: learn to talk to each other. Learn to express what you think and feel. Be able to admit that you are scared and anxious and you do not understand what is happening, but you would very much like to help. Don't blame.

It is especially important for a depressed person to be loved not for something, but just like that. If you emphasize that you see the "loss" of his virtues, mention that in general he has always been a cheerful soul of the company, and you lack his energy and infectious laughter, then it will be much more difficult or almost impossible for him to admit to the depth of his depression. Moreover, it is necessary to understand and accept an important thing: most often depression returns. Of course, there are those cases when something terrible happened and a person, under the weight of this event, simply broke down, could not stand it, and he developed depression. Such cases are generally more favorable, in the sense that such an episode can be really single and your whole future life together will no longer be overshadowed by the pain and longing of your loved one. If depression developed out of the blue, then the chances of its return are quite large, if not one hundred percent.

On the other hand, if a person has already undergone the first episode and successfully recovered, or rather, still went into remission, then, firstly, both he and you already have experience and understanding of what is happening to him, the experience of healing. It is very important. Actually, your very important function is to remind him that everything is curable. After all, sitting in his dark hole, he can forget about it, well, or somehow not really believe.

But be that as it may, the first is the episode, the second or fifth, do not count on your own strength or on the fact that the body has “trained” and this time it will cope on its own. Even if you are not sure that the matter is bad - do not pull, do your best and consult a psychiatrist. Grab a person if necessary. Often, thoughts about death are born in a depressed person, not because he really wants to die, but because it is unbearably painful for him to live (either unbearably painful insensitivity, or an overwhelming sense of anxiety - that's how lucky you are). A patient with depression does not believe that this terrible unbearable state can somehow be stopped, except to cease to exist in principle. And it is very important that there is someone nearby, reminding that this is not so, and there is something to fight for.

Remember that the first visit to the doctor is not a magical session, and everything will not return to its place, as if by magic. Often, on the contrary, this period can be even more dangerous, since, for example, when prescribing antidepressants, activity appears earlier than depression passes. And, let's say, if before that a person was lying unable to get up and crawl to the balcony in order to jump from there, then such forces may very well appear in him. That is why, if there are real suspicions of suicidal intent, the doctor may insist on hospitalization. In such a case, one should not be afraid of punitive psychiatry and protest. Unless, of course, you have the opportunity to be around 24 hours a day: you can’t even imagine how little time it takes to commit suicide.

It seems to be the most simple and self-evident rule - support your loved one. But it is very difficult, and you need to be prepared for this. Support is mainly about stepping on the throat of your desires and being the minimum irritant that is always there. And, maybe, silently hug or wrap in a blanket, or go for a walk, without bothering with attempts to cheer with the usual joys. At some point, this also becomes necessary, but it is very important to learn to feel the mood of a person and again ask what is most comfortable for him now, without bothering him. You may also need the support of a therapist along the way, and there is nothing to worry about. Yes, it all sounds complicated, but that's what it is "both in joy and in sorrow."

Images:, , , via Shutterstock

Most of us experience bouts of unmotivated sadness, apathy and loss of interest when there is no person nearby who can support us in difficult times. This happens after a painful breakup, the loss of a close relative, or on the eve of Valentine's Day, which you are once again forced to.

However, a stable relationship does not give any guarantees. So one “beautiful” day, you or your partner may find yourself in a state of depression, even if everything was perfect yesterday.

How depression affects relationships

Researchers at the University of Alberta found that showing feelings can help relieve stress, one of the main symptoms of depression. “If a partner makes even a little effort, it can prevent the development or aggravation of mental health problems and, in addition, help maintain the relationship,” adds Matthew John, one of the authors of the study.

Another one scientific work, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, analyzed the impact of mental illness on the relationships of 135 couples in which one or both partners experienced depression. The researchers noted that the depressive syndrome of one of the partners can cause a response in the other, and if this does not happen, then couples may experience serious disagreements in communication and in sex.

Medicaldaily.com cites data from a new study published in the journal Developmental Psychology, which included 1,400 couples who were seen by a specialist every year for 6 years. The results obtained during the scientific experiment revealed that helping a partner not only helps to improve mental health, but also increases their own self-esteem. Support works best with men, but women can also get bonuses here (in particular, if a man supports a woman during a period of depression, her self-esteem in the future becomes higher, and the feeling of attachment to a partner increases).

How to help a loved one deal with depression

Experts note that a depressed person may aggressively accept attempts to help him cope with this difficult psychological situation. That is why the most correct tactic in this case is invisible support. We are talking about this type of support, when the partner does not even know about its existence. Even seemingly simple gestures will work, including washing dishes, cleaning, or buying tickets for your favorite movie.

It is important to understand that depression is like an avalanche that can come down suddenly. This state envelops and fetters, sometimes causing tangible physical pain. Below - just three simple, but at the same time effective ways help someone you love.

Walks in the open air

Perhaps a romantic walk is exactly what both of you need at the moment. It will help to cheer up, improve mood and work instantly, unlike pills that must be taken in courses (not to mention their impact on health). A 2014 study by Ecopsychology suggested that a breath of fresh air can help manage depression in its early stages. And for this you need only 30 minutes of walking. Sounds inspiring, doesn't it?

Joint training

Sport is good not only for physical but also for mental health. In 2004, Mayo Clinic researchers found that it was better than antidepressants in reducing symptoms of mild to moderate depression. The fact is that exercise affects the production of endorphins and cannabinoids that counteract stress, reduces the amount of immune chemicals that can increase the manifestations of a depressive syndrome, and increases body temperature, which has a calming effect on the body. In addition, sports distract attention, automatically reducing a person's concentration on sad or, on the contrary, frightening thoughts.

An optimistic outlook on life

If your loved one is depressed, the first thing you should do is become an incorrigible optimist. Perhaps you have never been characterized by such a model of behavior, but the effort spent will pay off with interest. According to a study published in The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine in 2011, random acts of kindness help cure depression. So give your loved one gifts for no reason, go to the zoo to see newborn koalas, adopt a puppy from a shelter and give joy as often as possible. Just because positive emotions- the best "pill" from a bad mood in any, even its most dangerous manifestations.

Depression is psychological condition, in which a person loses the ability to experience joy, think clearly, desire to work, as well as active muscle activity.

This is a fairly serious disease that affects many people. modern people, requires timely treatment.

According to statistics, about half of the entire population of the planet is more or less susceptible to this disease, and in most cases a person cannot cope with his condition on his own. That is why relatives of the sick person need to know how to help a person in depression.

Many people confuse depression with a bad mood and feelings of a person due to failure or stress at work, but, in fact, this is not true. A sick person has a distortion of reality - even the most joyful event seems gray, boring, and beauty seems stupid and unnecessary. A person loses the desire to do something, walk, even talk with friends.

These symptoms should not be ignored. First of all, you need to talk to the person about what is happening to him.. When building a conversation, you need to adhere to a certain plan:

• Having made a decision, it is necessary to go to the end, be persistent and not allow a person to change the topic or simply laugh it off, citing a bad mood or temporary troubles.
• To behave carefully, not pressing, showing sympathy and empathy. The patient is in a wounded position, so he has a hard time.
• Try to identify the cause of this condition.
• Discuss methods of dealing with depression (before starting a conversation, it is better to make a plan of several points).
• Tell what is in your heart.

It is best, with the consent of a person, to take him to an appointment with a psychotherapist, before discussing this situation with a specialist. Doctor's consultation also does not hurt before a direct conversation with the patient.

What to pay attention to?

You don't have to be a psychologist to notice changes in behavior loved one. First of all, you need to pay attention to the following factors:

• lack of interest in anything, apathetic behavior, indifference;
• a dramatic change in behavior, a sharp change in lifestyle, yesterday's merry fellow suddenly locks himself in four walls, isolates himself from the people around him;
• loss of self-confidence, sense of reality;
• neglect of hygiene, lack of interest in their appearance;
• isolation from the whole world, unwillingness to change something and talk with people, closing in one's inner world;
• drowsiness, passivity;
• reflection on the meaninglessness of life;
• negative, pessimistic outlook on life, disbelief in a bright future;
• sinking into sadness and despair.

Even the strongest and most energetic people can fall into the clutches of depression due to stress or life failures. If a person has more than half of the symptoms from the list presented, then he is in the grip of not just a bad mood, but a more serious illness.

Features of the fight against depression in men

How to help a man get out of depression?

Men experience depression much harder than women.

The fact is that the male psyche is less plastic and not prepared for nervous overload, so it is difficult and time consuming to get a man out of depression. The main causes of depression in men are:

• problems at work, dismissal, dissatisfaction with this type of activity;
• divorce, discord in the family;
• the birth of a child - the so-called postpartum depression occurs not only in women, but also in men, because the lifestyle is changing dramatically, and the beloved woman begins to pay much less attention to him than before;
• midlife crisis - it affects men aged 30 to 55 years;
• financial trouble.

Men often do not want to admit that they have any psychological problem, they withdraw into themselves and do not want to discuss everything that has accumulated in their souls. They are afraid to show others that they need help and protection. It also does not contribute to a quick recovery, so often depression can haunt a particular man throughout his life.

A person who is depressed needs to eat well and get all the necessary vitamins. We will tell you about which vitamins will help cope with depression.

depression in women

Women are sensitive and emotional by nature and therefore more susceptible to depression than men.

There are quite a few reasons for the onset of the disease: these are social and psychological factors, and hereditary predisposition, and a biochemical reaction in the brain caused by taking certain drugs, and relationships with people around.

Women of three ages are most affected by the disease:

• adolescence (13-18 years) - this is the age when hormonal changes in the body, as well as the role of the girl in society is formed;
• reproductive age is the conception of a child, and pregnancy, and postpartum depression;
• retirement age - at this age, longing for one's children, an acute feeling of loneliness and uselessness are manifested.

Symptoms of female depression manifest themselves extensively on both behavioral and physical levels:

• sleep disturbance;
• a sharp decrease in body weight;
• frequent sobs and bouts of longing, decadent moods;
• irritability, increased suspiciousness, anxiety;
• apathy, lack of interest in anything;
• appearance pain in the heart, abdomen, throat;
• tendency to bad habits;
• the appearance of inhibition in movements and in speech.

Depression in women can end as abruptly as it began. In some cases, it alternately disappears and reappears for six to eight weeks about three to four times, and then peace of mind is restored. In a severe stage, treatment may be delayed indefinitely.

How to help mom?

Mom is the most important person in a child's life, no matter how old they are.

If a mother is depressed, first of all, a close person whom she trusts and cherishes should bring her out of this state.

There are several methods that will help mom in this difficult situation:

• get rid of boring, monotonous homework;
• make a pleasant surprise - an unexpected change will help you look at the world from a different angle;
• let the mother know that her children need her;
• let her do what she really loves - knitting, growing flowers and so on.

It is best to show by example how you can enjoy life, so that a woman can adopt this rainbow impulse.

How to avoid becoming a victim of depression

As ironic as it may sound, depression is contagious. Prolonged contact with a sick person can adversely affect the mental state of the assistant.

How to help yourself with depression? In order to avoid becoming a victim of depression yourself, you must observe the following measures:

• lead a healthy, if possible, active lifestyle;
• do not lose the ability to enjoy life, go for a walk even with a complete lack of desire;
• do not withdraw into yourself, communicate with other people;
• not to get lost in the problems and desperate thoughts of a loved one;
• in case of failures, try to cheer yourself up with pleasant little things - a delicious dessert, an interesting film, a new thing, and so on.

At the first sign of depression, you should consult a specialist.

• To switch a person's attention from his suffering to some phenomenon of the outside world - it can be entertainment, any pleasant pastime, even a tourist trip.
• Buy a pet - a cute kitten or puppy has healed more than one soul.
• To show a loved one that they are always ready to talk with him and always ready to help. At this moment, it is very important for the patient to be needed and noticeable.

In some cases, the so-called shock therapy becomes effective - plunging a person into the very abyss of his despair so that he can experience catharsis and be healed. But this method is dangerous by increasing depression without any positive changes.

Treatment of depression folk remedies

Traditional medicine does not stand aside in the fight against depression and offers its own methods of healing:

• drinking freshly squeezed carrot juice;
• taking a relaxing bath with an infusion of poplar leaves added to the water;
• wiping with salted water - two tablespoons per liter of water;
• the use of infusion or tea from mint, magnolia vine, starflower, ginseng root and sage;
• fumigating the room with oils of myrtle, eucalyptus, sage;
• eating healthy foods filled with magnesium and calcium.

All these actions are aimed at returning physical body a person in a state of cheerfulness, activity, to return the former tone. These remedies are also good for treating insomnia, chronic fatigue, and boosting immunity.

Some scientists call depression the plague of the 21st century, so this disease should not be simply brushed aside. There are many means to help a person in this situation, it remains only to make an effort to do so.

Related video

Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication ...

Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one has depression, and you do not know what to say to him and how to help overcome this condition? It is very difficult to find the right words in such a situation, because a person can react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most powerful words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.

Phrases that make it clear that you are worried about a person:

"What can I do for you?"

All written sources describing this problem advise SHOW, not SAY. Words are not all that is helpful for a person struggling with depression.

So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to collect my thoughts is the arrival of my friend who came and prepared dinner for me, or someone's offer to clean up my place. Believe me, practical care is a very big support for a person who is facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and visit a man who has completely lost his mood?

Actions are very effective when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor also in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will put your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind you: "This person cares about me."

“Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?”

Talk to the person about something that once brought him joy, or about something new that could bring him joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to do it. Then you can give him that support and help him do something that will cheer him up.

Brew tea, be there, do not say unnecessary words, position him for a confidential conversation.

"Do you want me to accompany you?"

Maybe a person has been used to being alone for a long time and did not even think about the fact that someone might be around at the time when you need to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Such actions will say more than just the words "I'm there", "I'm with you", "You can count on me", because you are really there, and you can really be counted on!

"Do you find support in someone?"

These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."

Such a question will help to understand whether a person is surrounded by support from relatives or whether he is left to himself. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice support as such, then this will help you understand that it is important for a person, what helps him and what does not.

The more loved ones show such care, the better for the person. If you know that he feels lonely in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there during this difficult time.

You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of helping, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but quite correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.

“It will definitely end and you will feel like before”

These words do not judge, impose or manipulate. They just give hope, and that HOPE will keep a person alive, or at least motivate them to live until next day to see if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “It will pass”, “It happens and not like that”. Such words show that you are really worried about what is happening in a person’s life, you wish him and you yourself sincerely believe that this will soon pass.

Make it clear that this is just a disease, a treatable condition, after which there is happy life. Everything will not end on such experiences and emotions.

"What do you think about the most?"

Such a question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most anxiety and occupies the person’s thoughts. you explore everything possible reasons but don't stop at just one. When through such a conversation a person draws his own conclusions, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.

Perhaps your loved one now really needs a person who knows how to listen and have the right questions for the conversation. Be gentle at this time and be prepared to listen more than talk, and even be silent at the right time.

What time of day is the most difficult for you?

Try to find out when your loved one's depressing thoughts are most disturbing, and be as close as possible at that time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he does not want to talk, believe me, after a while your presence will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.

Calling at the right time, willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, just being there is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit nearby and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult time - you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.

"I'm here to help you"

This is what you can say to validate all the actions you are already doing for the person. You should not throw such words if it is not so. But if it's true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.

Silence

This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's the weather. But say nothing and just listen - sometimes there is the best and most appropriate answer in this case.

Be sensitive and attentive. Don't talk in vain. Be closer to a person's heart, it can understand even without words.

How can you be prepared to provide this kind of support?

Supporting someone in difficult times is not easy for the one who provides this support. First, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!

Stock up on patience and love in advance, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express care in every way possible for you, you can do it.

But it requires a certain amount of dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. For this you need to really love.

Help a person to find the meaning of life. If you yourself are confused in this matter, we can talk with you about it. After all, there is nothing more important than the state of the human soul and the contribution that we can make to relationships.