Dissatisfied wife. Reasons why your wife is constantly stressed and dissatisfied with everything Why does your wife grumble
The question is asked by Andrey – N., Russia
Married for four years. The further you go, the more difficult it gets, the main problem is the difference in character and age (10 years). I'm 35, I'm a manager (department head) and I work a lot. She sits with the child (does nothing else) and is constantly dissatisfied when asked why, she says she doesn’t know. I don’t feel like going home; I’ve been constantly thinking about divorce lately. I understand that it’s a sin, but I’m already on the brink. Maybe you can give me some advice, maybe you can pray... Thank you.
With all respect, Andrew.
Denis Podorozhny answers:
Hello, of course I will definitely pray. But most of responsibility lies with the two of you.
Your situation is quite serious, but I am writing this not so that you become burdened and “loaded up”, but rather the opposite - so that you put your priorities in place and take certain actions and efforts aimed at saving the marriage.
You need to not only understand that divorce is a sin. But to be convinced that 1) it is a sin; 2) this is not a solution to the problem; 3) it brings new problems. After all, you can, of course, say that the wife is to blame for everything, and that she is the one who is dissatisfied with something, and you are doing everything right... But that would be wrong.
What caused the dissatisfaction? Why doesn't she "know" herself? Perhaps she knows, but is closed to talking to you about her problems in her heart. It is possible that, on the contrary, you are closed to listen and UNDERSTAND her.
Be that as it may, there are always reasons for discontent and cooling of relationships. These are the ones you need to solve. Without dealing with the roots of emerging problems, you will constantly see them repeated, and figuratively speaking, “step on the same rake.” And no divorce, no creation of a new family (don’t even allow these thoughts!) will help you!
If the reasons remain, then the consequences will remain the same.
Why is your wife in such an internal state? Have you tried to talk to her not from your point of view (“Well, what else? What else are you unhappy with? I do everything for you!”), but trying to SERVE and HELP her.
Seeing yourself unhappy, perhaps you do not notice her sorrows and pains!
Could there be such a layout? - You got married 4 years ago, both somehow imagined your family life, cherished certain dreams... But then reality came. You yourself are at work. Life is in full swing around you, you need to make decisions, people, affairs, problems... She is at home EVERY DAY. And every day is the same: cleaning, washing, cooking, raising a child. EVERY EVENING you come home from work tired (“I bring money to the family,” you explain your responsibility!), and therefore you are given certain discounts. She understands this. But inside I want it differently. But as? Unclear! No exit!
This is where internal dissatisfaction is generated. And there is no one to blame. She understands you partly, but partly EXPECTS to be understood... But there is no understanding from you...
Could such a situation exist in your family? Or is it quite possible I'm wrong? God willing!
Just double check! Try to talk to her, not in the spirit of a showdown (“What don’t you like?”), but in a sincere desire to understand her. Ask her about her dreams and goals. Do this not after a conflict or during household chores, but at the most appropriate moment.
Don't have the moment? Moreover, everything becomes clear. THEN YOU NEED TO ORGANIZE THE MOMENT: take her to a restaurant. Agree with relatives or hire someone to babysit your child and spend time together (OUTSIDE THE HOME!).
Communicate! Listen to each other! You should mostly listen to her. Let her talk! Perhaps only then will you begin to understand something!
Don't even think about keeping thoughts of divorce in your mind! Leave it! Repent for allowing such thoughts. START DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!
If the internal spiritual needs and expectations of a woman in marriage are not realized and not met, then it is not surprising that family life begins to crack. (However, with men too, BUT (!) you need to pay attention to those things that YOU SHOULD COMPLETE FOR YOUR WIFE)
Before you find this book, I will list these five basic needs of a woman in marriage:
1. The need for tenderness and romance
2. The need for communication and the opportunity to talk with your husband (and not on his terms)
3. The need for the husband to be honest
4. The need for the husband to be financially responsible for the family
5. The need for the husband to be a good father to his children.
It is quite possible that some of your spouse’s needs are met by you, but it is precisely those that are not met that can make themselves felt (By analogy: if you are hungry, then you fresh air not enough to satisfy your hunger. If you are in a stuffy room, then you will not feel good just because you are full).
Think about how to make marriage and life more interesting and varied for your wife! May God give you creative ideas! Ask her what she dreamed about and what she dreams about? Help her realize herself! And by doing this, you will see how your family will become stronger!
All the best to you!
Stay in touch! I believe that you will break through, and then I expect a letter from you with evidence!
Sincerely,
P.S. Do not forget to contact and consult with one of the wise church clergy. In addition to consultations in the virtual space, it is VERY important to have real communication with those who could listen to you carefully, give sensible advice, and pray with you and for you! It is important!
Good afternoon, dear homebodies. As often happens, a wife is dissatisfied with her husband, his behavior or attitude towards her. “You don’t help me much around the house!” - this is one of the most popular female complaints against a man.
Wanting to at least slightly reduce the daily burden of his beloved woman, a man meekly takes on more and more new responsibilities, but this does not change the situation for the better.
What's the matter? Why does a wife nag her husband or remain depressingly silent?
Let's be clear!
Housekeeping is work. And it just so happened historically that a woman does this work.
Undoubtedly, this work can be greatly facilitated by equipping your home with a washing and dishwasher, washing vacuum cleaner, food processor and other modern things. Actually, most men see this as their contribution to creating home comfort.
It seems to them that a woman is now only required to press buttons with manicured fingers, without looking up from the magazine.
As you understand, everything is a little different. And we’re not even talking about the fact that the dirty plates won’t scrape off the remains of the goulash on their own and won’t line up in neat rows, but someone still needs to sort the smelly socks from the lace panties.
It's about management. What, you ask, can management be like in a banal wash? You don’t even think about it, but for your wife, every wash is a real project!
- Is there enough laundry accumulated?
- does it have difficult stains that require pre-treatment,
- will the noisy spinning wake up the child if you start washing late in the evening,
- Is there enough space on the dryer if you wash everything at once?
- Should I boil all whites separately, or wash them together with light colored items at medium temperature,
- Is there enough powder for 2 visits or do I need to run to the store...
Yes, these decisions are made automatically, but this happens every time and before every button press.
Cleaning, washing dishes, shopping, cooking, caring for animals and plants - all this requires planning, like any other job.
The more household responsibilities, the more carefully you need to think through the strategy. And this is what turns a woman into a housewife.
Step one.
When a wife is unhappy with her husband, evaluate your contribution
Situations are different. It happens that a husband works two jobs and runs around like crazy at home, following the orders of his unemployed wife.
And it happens that he sits on his butt in front of the computer in the office and drinks coffee, and his woman rushes to the kindergarten and a shop, and spends his evenings at the stove. However, it is still possible to divide responsibilities so that everything is fair.
Determine which household chores you are ready to take on completely and completely, and which work you will not touch even at gunpoint, and discuss this with your wife.
Step two.
If the wife is unhappy with her husband, then do your job thoroughly
You must understand that if sharpening kitchen knives lay on yours, a woman should not plan this work.
Knives must be sharp, period. If she shouts from the kitchen “honey, the knives are dull!” – She has already taken on part of your work. And every time she crushes a tomato with a blade as dull as a finger, she has every right to cry.
After all, sharpening knives, which you have undertaken, includes not only maintenance, but also preventive technical inspections.
If a woman asks you to do your work, it means that you have not freed her from this work 100%. Believe me, it is better to do one thing without waiting for a request than to do 10 things on the orders of your wife.
Step three.
If the wife is unhappy with her husband, take the initiative
No, we’re not talking about how to take on everything homework, freeing up your favorite one to watch TV series. If you've already divided the responsibilities equally and are each doing your own thing, and your wife doesn't have to plan your own work for you, it's time to learn a little trick.
It consists in the fact that from time to time you will participate in planning her responsibilities. For example, you dropped ketchup on a white shirt. You can throw it in the laundry basket. You can wash it yourself.
Or you can say: “Honey, I have a stain on my shirt, and there are a lot of white things in the basket. Maybe we can wash them today before the stain dries?”
The same goes for cooking. When your wife asks you what to cook for dinner today, she is not trying to please you.
Don’t try to make her life easier with the words “cook what you want” - this is the worst answer! By choosing a dish to suit your taste, you help her plan her work.
Step four.
If the wife is unhappy with her husband, ask and remind
It happens that, objectively, the wife does much less than the husband, but continues to methodically nag him. In such a situation, you can take on the role of tactician and strategist, regularly reminding her of her responsibilities.
And if earlier, when she couldn’t get you to hammer a nail into the wall for months, the truth was on her side, now that you’ve learned to do your job inside and out, it’s time to put her in her place.
At the same time, you can be in her shoes and feel what it’s like to constantly ask, remind, demand and not get any results. With women who are economical, responsible, and most importantly, loving, it is usually not necessary to resort to this technique.
Enjoy it
The distribution of roles and their clear implementation makes it possible to reduce domestic conflicts to a minimum. After reading women's forums, you come to this simple conclusion: women are annoyed not by the fact that a man does nothing, but by the fact that he does not do anything himself.
After all, you yourself like it when your wife makes your life more pleasant (in a certain sense) on her own initiative, and not after you ask her about it a thousand times.
If a wife is unhappy with her husband, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk, what are you doing wrong in her opinion?
Happy married life!
Socrates' wife, Xanthippe, became famous for her unusually absurd and unbearable character. But Socrates, as a true philosopher, chose to humble himself and endure, because according to the canons of that time, a grumpy wife is given to her husband as punishment. Since then, this name has become a household name.
“Xanthippe complex” is the syndrome of a grumpy wife, constantly dissatisfied with something, always reproaching, making the life of her man simply unbearable. Very often it appears in women in the second half of life. But what is the reason for this behavior? Is this a pronounced character trait or an acquired quality as a result of acquired negative life experiences?
In fact, the root of the problem is a woman’s deep dissatisfaction, and primarily sexual, which over time develops into psychological. This is a woman who, having not known satisfaction in bed, becomes irritable, overly pedantic: a painful attitude towards order and sterility appears, and often this passion becomes the only one, absorbing all interests and hobbies, energy, including sexual.
Constant dissatisfaction with one’s life and husband poisons the life not only of a man, but also of the woman herself. And, if in her youth, it seems to her that teachings and reproaches will help change a man, push him to something, then closer to old age her husband irritates her even more. He simply stops responding to any remarks from his wife.
My husband is like “ Xanthippe“You can either endure it quietly, like Socrates, or seek consolation on the side. But we must remember that this is not a way out of the current situation. After all, in any conflict situation there are two people to blame, and you need to solve it by contemplating the interior of the kitchen. This applies to men.
Women, in turn, should not be overly patient. If a person, even a dearly loved one, irritates and makes life unbearable, refuses to cooperate when solving problems, think about whether there is any point in such a relationship?
People meet, people fall in love, get married... So, you proposed to your girlfriend, she accepted, and now you are happily married. It's just that she has completely changed. It’s true what they say, all women change after marriage! Where did that adoration in her eyes, the romance, and in general, why is she always so dissatisfied?!
Dear men, there may be several reasons for this. Most likely, your wife is under constant stress, and here is what may be causing it.
No, of course, you talk to each other, but exclusively about everyday topics: how much potatoes to buy, when to pay bills, what to cook, and so on. When was the last time you just talked to your wife about abstract topics? M?
How many times have you discussed that it's time for you to share household responsibilities? And how many times has she told you that it’s time to move on to more healthy eating, and you even seemed to agree and promised to do it?
If you don't keep your promises, then don't be surprised that your wife is always unhappy.
It also happens that a husband and wife seem to communicate, talk, but do not hear each other. Learn to be interested in her well-being, ask how her day was, talk about what worries her. If you don't know what's going on in your wife's head, how are you going to be a good husband?
While you are newlyweds, romance seems to be in the air, but over the years you will have to make efforts to create a romantic atmosphere. Yes, you live in the same house, but this does not mean that you do not need to go on dates - invite her to a cafe, walk together, give each other gifts, in general, do not let your feelings fade away.
Your family needs good nutrition, and food, as you know, does not appear out of thin air. Of course, you came home from work, you are terribly tired, you want someone to prepare food, and even serve it to you on a silver platter. But you know what? Your wife also came home from work, she was no less tired than you, so why should she toil in the kitchen alone? Take pity on your spouse and help her with cooking, and sometimes you can cook something yourself. No one expects a masterpiece from you, but you can easily just boil spaghetti with sausages.
Drink tea = wash your mug. Take off your socks = put them in the wash. Well, you get the idea. It's simple, and it will save your wife a lot of time and effort.
Incredible, but true: your child has two parents, which means you should also take part in raising your common child. Moreover, child care responsibilities should also be shared between two people.
When have you asked your significant other lately what they want to watch or what they want for dinner? Show your care and attention, and it will be returned to you threefold.
We are all familiar with that feeling when we simply don’t have enough hours in the day, we run around like squirrels in a wheel and don’t get anything done. Adulthood- a complicated thing, and being a housewife is far from an easy task. So try to help your loved one in this difficult matter. Is she hanging up her laundry? Come and hang the remaining laundry yourself. Is washing dishes? Take a towel and dry the plates.
Every person sometimes needs to be alone, close in a room and just be alone. Don't take this right away from her.
Many people give their all at work, and when they come home, they fall on the sofa and can no longer do anything at all. But we work in order to live, and not vice versa. Try to pay attention to your family, it should always come first.
Disputes - a good thing, because truth is born in them. But the truth is born only if you are ready to accept someone else’s point of view, and not just prove your own. Otherwise, a dispute is a synonym for the word “quarrel.”