How not to change the awl for soap and decide to restore good relations with his wife. How I realized it's time to get a divorce: personal experience How to know when it's time to divorce your once beloved wife

The relationship between a man and a woman is a delicate and very fragile matter. Even the strongest marriage at first glance can crack. If you have come to the conclusion that it is no longer possible to change the situation, then the logical opinion will be that it is time to get a divorce. Not every man knows where to start in this case, how to prepare himself and his wife, and what to do if she is categorically against it.

Training

The social status of a divorced man and a divorced woman is very different. It so happened that for the fair sex, this is a much greater blow to self-esteem and general position in society. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are connected with the attitude of a person to divorce. As a rule, men tolerate it more easily. That is why it is important, when you decide to leave, to prepare your spouse for this.

First of all, you need to discuss your joint problems in the family circle. This must be done without quarrels and screams, so to speak on a sober head. Sometimes the omissions uttered aloud no longer seem as large-scale as they initially seemed. Of course, before you decide to divorce your wife, it is important to consider the consequences of such a decision for both of you. Still, this is a person with whom you once decided on a joint future.

If the situation or the reasons for parting do not even allow you to think about maintaining the relationship, then plan the course of further actions in advance. In particular, a number of points need to be taken into account.

Children

The divorce process is much more difficult if you and your wife have children together. Firstly, in a divorce, custody issues will need to be taken into account. Secondly, you will have to think about how to explain all this to them and not remain an enemy at the same time. Well, and thirdly, be prepared for subsequent mandatory payments for their maintenance. Whether they will be voluntary or mandatory (alimony) depends only on the note on which you part with your spouse.

joint property

Not less than important point This is a section of joint property. During the time that you spent in marriage, for sure this appeared. Many couples have serious disagreements about the division of property and things. From you, as a representative of the stronger sex, everyone, of course, will expect the absence of material claims. That's the way it is in our society. If you do not want to be left with nothing or without a roof over your head, you need to seriously consider how to disperse without scandal. The most ideal option is to share everything amicably without the participation of the court.

If you are sure that parting with your wife will not go according to the most peaceful scenario, then take care of collecting required documents confirming your rights to the property. It's great when these moments are reflected in the marriage contract. If one has not been concluded, then according to the law everything will be divided equally between you.

future housing

You also need to think about where you will live when you divorce your wife. It is good if the apartment or house in which you live together belongs to your personal property received before marriage. Otherwise, you will either have to negotiate with your spouse about the place of residence, or wait for a court decision. In the latter case, it may take a long time. Get ready to look for a temporary habitat. It is better that it be ready by the time the decision to divorce is announced.

The divorce process will be much easier for both of you if there are no minor children, no jointly acquired property, or any other claims against each other. Unfortunately, this is rarely seen. Therefore, it is better to carefully study all aspects of your life together and think about how to behave with your wife so that she does not complicate the situation. The latter largely depends on how you communicate your decision to her.

Conversation with wife

If the question of whether to get a divorce is no longer in front of you, if the decision is made, you will have to think about how to correctly inform your spouse about this. No one needs lengthy litigation, scandals and screams. Decided to leave - act prudently.

First of all, consider a plan or scenario for such a conversation. These should not be spontaneous cries during a quarrel, which will most likely be perceived by the spouse as something thrown out in the heat of the moment. You need to choose the right moment when you will not be constrained by time and other people's ears. Get ready for a long and difficult conversation. Here are some tips:

• Make peace with your wife if you were in a quarrel before, but keep a small distance before the fateful conversation so that parting does not become a shock for her.
• Speak calmly, consider her feelings, do not get personal.
• Try to resolve all controversial points in one conversation (custody of children, property, etc.), make compromises if possible.
• Do not give hope for reconciliation if you yourself are 100% sure of your decision to divorce.

If your spouse is not distinguished by a kind and understanding disposition, then be prepared to create various obstacles on her part. To predict them, you need time to prepare for this conversation. In fact, no one knows for sure how to get a divorce. There are two people who more or less got to know each other during their marriage. Only you yourself can determine the most correct approach to your spouse in such a difficult situation.

Talking to children

Another difficult conversation lies ahead if you have children. After you have informed your spouse of your decision, you need to make sure that they take everything correctly. It is very good if the parents report this together in a calm situation. This is only possible if the decision to divorce was joint or your message to your spouse about it was received normally without scandal.

Children need to be convinced of the following:

• the fact that you and their mother broke up does not mean at all that you will stop communicating;
• they are not the reason for your separation;
• you will still love them and spend time together;
• you will provide them financially, etc.

It is very important to reach a compromise on the issue of child custody. Otherwise, this situation will have a rather negative impact on them. Try not to involve them in your disagreements and, even more so, do not use them to pressure each other. Be prepared that the court more often takes the side of the mother, so it is absolutely not profitable for you to quarrel with your wife.

Leave home

It was not in vain that it was said above that before you part with your wife, you need to prepare yourself a temporary place to live. Being under the same roof after such a conversation, even if it ended peacefully, can put strain on your relationship. Why provoke unnecessary quarrels? Decided to divorce - immediately leave the house. Of course, if the apartment or house belongs to you, then she will have to leave. This also needs to be talked about right away to clarify the whole situation.

After that, you can begin to think about ways to divorce: through the registry office or through the courts. The decision will depend on a number of circumstances:

• Do both spouses agree?
• whether there are minor children;
• Are there property disputes?
• if the wife is pregnant, etc.

If there are any controversial points, it is better to consult with a lawyer in advance. He will tell you about possible problems, delays, terms of divorce proceedings and other trifles.

How to understand whether the decision to divorce is right or not is up to you to judge. Perhaps there is still a chance to save the family? Do not cut in the heat of the moment, discuss all the problems with your spouse, contact a family psychologist. Once you fell in love with this person and decided to connect your life with him. The reason for the dissolution of the marriage must be significant, because in this way you may ruin someone else's life.

It just so happens that in our country, almost a fifth of all marriages break up in the first three years of marriage. As a rule, during this period, spouses do not always have time to have children. Therefore, in most cases, an application is submitted to the registry office for divorce without children. But even in this case, when the spouses do not have any claims against each other, certain nuances are possible, which you need to know in order to divorce your wife competently.

It is necessary to gain courage and in a tactful manner, to calmly discuss everything that does not suit you, how long it has been happening, the prospects for further life together, as well as the opportunity to have time to start life from scratch.

You need to try to make the person agree with you. Then the divorce will happen by mutual agreement, without unnecessary stress. It will also be possible to maintain good relations and ask each other for help in difficult moments separate life.

How to divorce a spouse when there are no children, there is consent

It is easiest to divorce your wife when the divorce occurs without children and without a property dispute. In this case, you will need the following:

1. Personal presence of the spouses (or a notarized statement of one of them);
2. Statement of the established form in the registry office;
3. Payment of state duty (one payment).

A sample application (on the form - form 8) for divorce in the absence of children can be taken directly from the registry office.

This application must contain the following information:

• the name of the registry office office where the application for divorce is filed;
• the address where the applicant lives;
• surname, name, patronymic of the spouses;
• date, month, year of birth;
• which country the applicant is a citizen of;
• passport data;
• Marriage certificate details:
• it is also necessary to enter the names that the spouses leave for themselves after the divorce.

Passports are required here (basic data are taken from them during the application process). The procedure for breaking off relations in this case will be completed in a month, after the spouses have written and registered the corresponding application.

The legislator has set such a period in case the couple suddenly changes their mind and decides to withdraw their application. It should be remembered that throughout this period the written document for divorce without children and property disputes should not change. Otherwise, you will simply be sent to court.

Consent and no children

In practice, cases are not uncommon when only one of the spouses needs a divorce, and the other in every possible way prevents the divorce through the registry office without children. This will definitely have to go to court. Regarding the documents that will be required to start the divorce procedure without children and without consent, their duplicates can always be obtained from the authorities where the originals were issued. To initiate a divorce proceedings in court, you will need:

• statement of claim - ;
• receipts for payment of state duties.

The law provides for the possibility of considering the case without the presence of the plaintiff, for this the corresponding desire must be reflected in the application. Under this option, the judgment will be sent to the plaintiff by registered mail.

It is worth noting that the division of property can be a subject of dispute, both during the divorce process and after its completion for three years.

Usually a divorce through a court without children, if there is no property dispute, does not take much time - from a month to three. It all depends on the position of the second spouse. It is important to understand here that the divorce of spouses without children can be extended in time due to a court decision to give the spouses time for reconciliation. The law allows up to three months for this.

If the second of the spouses completely ignores the court hearings, while being properly informed about them, a unilateral divorce without children is possible after the third failure to appear at the scheduled meeting.

Features of a unilateral divorce

The legislation provides for cases when only one person can write an application for divorce without children. The sample application in this case must contain a reason indicating the legally provided right, namely:

• the second of the couple is incapacitated;
• spouse (wife) are in prison with a sentence of more than three years in prison;
• the absent spouse has gone missing.

To file a divorce in the registry office without children, you need to provide a copy of the court decision with a note that itentered into forceand has not been appealed. Then the state duty will have to be paid in a smaller amount. You can find out the specific amount for a certain date by reading the relevant norm of the Tax Code.

In the case of a unilateral divorce, an application form (form 9) is filled in, how to fill it out, we will explain below:

1. The full name of the division of the registry office is indicated, to which the package of documents for divorce is sent;
2. The content of the application must include information about the intention to dissolve the marriage with the spouse, and his (her) full surname, name, patronymic;
3. Data on spouses, as well as information on the last place of residence of the spouse, whose whereabouts are currently unknown (in case he went missing);
4. The reasons for the divorce, on the basis of which the applicant applied, as well as information about the court decision on recognizing the person as missing are indicated;
5. Passport details of the applicant;
6. Details of the certificate of registration of a previously concluded marriage.

If the application is written by the wife, then she must also fill in the column indicating the surname, which will remain with her after the dissolution of the marriage.

In case of incapacity of the spouse, it is necessary to indicate the address and full name. guardian.

If the spouse is serving a sentence of imprisonment, the details of the institution are indicated. in which it is located.

There is a property dispute, but no children

If there are no children in the family, and the spouses decide to leave, but they have a property dispute, this can be done in two main ways. The first is to file documents for divorce through the registry office, terminate the marriage, and then sue for the division of property. In this case, the litigation will be considered between two free citizens who are free to equip their new family life.

But in most cases, when there is a dispute over property, the claim for divorce through the court without children is filed together with the requirement for the division of property. Then the divorce procedure without children can be significantly delayed, and the spouses will formally be married all this time and bear mutual obligations. Therefore, it is more expedient to initially file an application for divorce to the court, break off relations, and only then proceed to the division of the acquired property together.

Is it possible to simplify the divorce, make it quick?

Of course, the order of the divorce process without children with mutual consent greatly simplifies the task of formalizing and arranging later life. After all, you do not need to think about how to pay alimony, help a child in difficult times, or just be with your child.

You should strive to terminate the relationship through the registry office, and not through the court, since the latter option is longer in time and is accompanied by negative emotions and stress. Moreover, usually the court maintains a certain time for the spouses to make a final decision; finds out all the nuances of family life to confirm the impossibility of the further existence of the family.

In order to reduce the terms of the divorce process in court, it is necessary to strive to reach a compromise, drawing it up in the form of an agreement with a notary, which will not allow one of the parties to refuse previously accepted agreements in court. On average, a divorce through the court takes at least 3-4 months.

It should be noted that the registry office can file a divorce without minor children, if there are still children in the family. In other words, if your children are over 18 years old, you also have the right to go to the registry office, apply and in a month receive a document confirming the break in relations.

For those who are afraid to get divorced because of child support, you should know another rule of law, according to which you can issue child support without a divorce. So you won’t be able to get away from the maintenance of your child, if you wish the second of the spouses.

In what cases will a divorce be made as quickly and freely as possible?

1. The presence of mutual consent of the spouses to file for divorce;

2. If the spouses live separately for a long time and there is evidence of this;

3. absence of children, or the age of children exceeded 18 years;

4. Husband or wife is serving a sentence of imprisonment;

5. One of the spouses has been declared legally incompetent by the court.

How much does a divorce cost in 2019?

The price varies depending on the city. in which a statement of claim is being prepared and the status of a law office. We suggest focusing on the following numbers:

Training statement of claim with a package of documents - 5 - 7 thousand rubles;

Representation of interests and their protection at a court hearing - 10 - 15 thousand rubles;

Appeal of a decision made by the court - 5 - 7 thousand rubles.

Given the negative residue that remains after the decision to break off relations, it is advisable to initially find for yourself best option legal registration this process so as not to injure yourself and your former spouse (spouse). Everything happens in life, it is better to stay in a distant, but good relationship, because there is little how fate will turn in the future.

It's even better to hear each other's complaints, try to change both of them and save the family!

In the life of any married couple, sooner or later there comes a difficult period when the relationship begins to break down. The former passion goes out, love disappears, and the spouses begin to quarrel more often. Once, standing in front of the altar, they swore eternal love to each other, but now they cannot be near. But how do you know if it's time to get a divorce, or is there just a temporary crisis in your married life? Collapsing relationships are evidence that it's time to think about divorce. However, you should not rush into making a decision, because if you hurry, you can make a mistake.

How to understand yourself and understand that it's time to leave

Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get divorced. There are no people in the world who would not have problems in relations with their soulmate in marriage. All families face challenges. Some couples go through a relationship crisis, while others decide to divorce.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to break the bonds of marriage or just a black streak has come in life:

1. “Do I want a child to be born in our family?” Any woman who loves her husband wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you do not want to have children, then there is an unloved person next to you. In such a situation, divorce is the right solution.

1. “How will my life change if I part with my spouse (husband)?” As you ask yourself this question, imagine that you have decided on a divorce and finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?

1. “Do I want to live with my husband (wife) all my life?” Now imagine yourself and your soulmate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be close to this person and meet old age with him?

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Husband

For many women, divorce is an extremely painful situation. Not everyone can decide on such a responsible step. Some women are afraid of loneliness, the second think that they cannot cope with raising children and cannot do without the financial support of their husband, and still others still experience some feelings, despite the fact that their life has become a nightmare.

It is worth breaking up with your spouse if there are good reasons for this. Sometimes divorce is the only way for a woman to save her psychological and physical health. So, good reasons for parting are:

• causeless cruelty on the part of a man, physical violence;
• unwillingness of the husband to work and provide for the family;
• the presence of drugs or alcohol addiction in a man;
• disrespectful attitude towards the spouse (constant insults to the woman, humiliation);
• cheating husband.

If you have one of the above reasons for a divorce, then do not put off the matter indefinitely. Don't try to change your spouse. You are just wasting your time. Better get divorced quickly and start life from scratch. You will certainly meet such a person who will appreciate, respect, love you and will do everything to make you happy.

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Once Beloved Wife

Many people think that love does not pass for the fair sex. They are more committed to their partner. However, women can fall out of love. You should think about a divorce if your wife has changed far from for the better:

• she stopped being happy delicious meals, does not try to look attractive, dresses up only for walks and meetings with friends that he does not invite you to;
• she has no desire to talk to you, she does not call you at work, does not send SMS messages and is no longer interested in your affairs;
• the slightest fault on your part causes her a storm of negative emotions, when talking with you, she becomes simply unbearable.

Pushes for divorce and coldness on the part of a woman in sexual relations. If the spouse sleeps separately in another room, then this may be a sign of fading love and a collapsing relationship. However, in such cases, it is not worth rushing to divorce. You need to talk to your wife, because she may have some problems that she hides from you.

Universal signs that it's time to file for divorce

If you and your spouse have been living for many years, constantly swearing over various trifles, do not find mutual language then think about breaking up. Take a look at your relationships. You will surely notice the signs that it is time to divorce:

• your love has long faded away, and you tolerate each other only for the sake of children;
• you do not get divorced because you are afraid of condemnation and reproaches from relatives, friends and acquaintances;
• you lost common interests, you began to communicate less with each other;
• you do nothing for the family, spend personal money only for your own needs.

When deciding on a divorce, listen to your inner voice, sort out your feelings. If you feel emptiness in your heart and you don’t see yourself next to your spouse (wife) in the future, then this means that it’s time to leave. This decision will benefit both of you.

A few more tips from a psychologist:

Before filing for divorce, you need to think: will it really help solve problems? Perhaps you need to make a different decision and improve relations in the family.

According to many psychologists, both husband and wife are to blame. And it does not matter who decided to file for divorce. First of all, you need to understand that when a certain time passes after the wedding, passion fades a little. This is normal and should not be seen as a problem here. It is replaced by warm family feelings that must be preserved for life.

When there is a feeling that it will not work to return the old relationship, in many cases couples decide to file for divorce without even making an attempt to revive the departed feelings. But do not immediately rush to extremes. Before you commit the irreparable, you need to take the first steps towards reconciliation. The wife should decide to talk to her husband first if the man is indecisive. However, efforts must be made by both spouses, otherwise divorce is inevitable.

Signs of an impending divorce

How do you know divorce is inevitable if you don't try to avoid it? There are certain signs that allow this to be understood. You can find out that a gap is inevitable in cases where:

• The husband does not want to have children. Rarely do women make such decisions. If the absence of children does not suit one of the spouses, while the other is categorically against the child, divorce is inevitable.
• Quarrels over trifles. The cause of conflicts can be scattered socks, a thing left in the wrong place, and so on. In these cases, the reason is not so important. She acts only as a pretext for scandal, and he himself is a clear sign of growing irritation between husband and wife. In such quarrels, insults are often recalled, insulting words are heard against each other. As a result, one of the spouses does not stand up and is ready to make a decision to file for divorce.
• 
  Problems in intimate life. When intimacy between husband and wife does not bring pleasure, this is a clear sign that there will be a divorce in the family after some time. Perhaps the reason is that love has passed, past feelings have cooled down, passion has faded. Before deciding on a divorce, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk, find out what is the reason for the cooling. In many cases, this helps to get rid of the problem and restore sexual relations.
• Groundless jealousy. It is not uncommon for a man to make scandals because of jealousy, without having any reason for this. The husband accuses his wife, insults her, calls her a harlot. Family life becomes unbearable, so it is not surprising that the wife wants to file for divorce.
• There is no heart-to-heart talk. A successful family life is impossible without mutual understanding and revelations. When a conversation with a husband comes down solely to solving minor domestic problems, a divorce is inevitable. It is necessary not to stop sharing emotions, experiences, if you want to maintain warm relations in the family. Husband and wife are one, so the problems should be common.
• A wife doesn't care what her husband thinks of her. As you know, indifference kills, including family life. This is a clear sign that there will be a divorce. If a woman does not want to know what her husband thinks of her, then he is indifferent to her.
• There is always a desire to leave home. If a husband or wife wants to leave the family nest, to be alone, to avoid family leisure, this is a sign that a divorce is approaching.
• 
  Insults come easily. If, in a fit of emotion, a husband or wife descends to insults, humiliating words can result in resentment, which will accumulate and soon lead to divorce. But before that, life will turn into mutual revenge, which does not bode well.
• The husband criticizes his wife's hobbies or, conversely, the woman does not want him to do this or that business. Each of the spouses is waiting for support, as well as understanding from their soulmate. If instead a man or woman hears constant reproaches, these are signs of an imminent divorce. It is necessary to treat each other with understanding, respect the opinions and interests loved one accept him for who he is.
• The man suddenly became the "ideal husband." At first glance, it might seem that this is bad? But it's one thing if a man has always been like that, and quite another thing if it happened all of a sudden. In this case, you need to be careful. Perhaps he wants a divorce, but he is gnawed by guilt, which he tries to make up for with his behavior.

What needs to be done first?

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If a man or woman feels that a divorce is approaching, every effort should be made to avoid it. Divorce is an extreme measure that spouses are forced to take if there are no other options.

Before deciding to divorce, you need to carefully analyze the current situation. A serious conversation should take place between the husband and wife, which will allow you to find out the reasons for the omissions. It is possible that the relationship can still be saved, but only if one of the spouses wants it. If you can’t figure it out on your own, you should visit a psychologist. He will help you find out the reasons for the upcoming break in relations, and direct you on the right path.

If one psychologist did not help to cope with the problem, it is worth contacting another specialist. Before you decide on drastic measures, you should try everything possible ways to save the marriage. The next step is to follow the algorithm. If the family can be saved, you should fight for it with all your might. In case of exhaustion of all possibilities that did not bring results, the best option there will be a divorce.

According to psychologists, if all the signs listed above are present, in 90% of cases a divorce is inevitable. If there are one or two problems, the relationship can be revived. However, you should not solve them with the help of a child, as many couples like to do. Buying a car together won't help either. Until the spouses decide to have a frank conversation, they will not be able to find out the reason for what led to this situation.

According to Professor Gottman, main feature successful marriage is to increase the volume positive emotions over the negative ones. it the best recipe improving family relationships. In addition, in order to save a marriage, it is worth spending as much free time as possible together, not moving away from each other.

True, no one can guarantee one hundred percent that all the methods described will help. It all depends on the spouses themselves. It is they who should think about their future, listen to their own feelings and emotions. To achieve the desired result, you will have to work on yourself properly. Thus, to questions about how to find out about an upcoming divorce and save a relationship, there is no answer with an exact scheme of actions.

Attention! In connection with latest changes in legislation, the legal information in this article could be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write a question in the form below:

Empty marriages and sick relationships lead nowhere. And it's not even about when there are constant conflicts in the family. I'm talking about a marriage in which everything seems to be fine, but for some reason there is no love and happiness.

Looking back, I came up with six signs that tell me it's time for a divorce.

My history

My first marriage was a mistake. We were a dancing couple, falling in love, unplanned pregnancy, registry office. The usual story. We were connected only by dancing, and after the birth of a child, we had to forget about them altogether. But I believed that our boat of love should stay afloat no matter what.

The marriage lasted five years, during which I periodically thought about divorce. Sometimes out loud. But determination was not enough. Largely because outwardly everything was normal: we almost did not quarrel, did not live in poverty, the way of life stabilized over the years, the child grew up. But there was nothing in common either.

I'm lucky. I met the man of my dreams and over time I realized that if I want to be with someone, then only with him. But if it does not work out, then I can no longer live in an empty relationship. Even if we hadn't met, I would still come to the same decision, but later. There were bells.

We stopped talking to each other

At first we talked a lot: where did you study, what do you do, how do you look at the world, who are your parents and friends, what music do you listen to, what books do you read, what films do you prefer to watch. At the dating stage, there is always something to talk about.

But over time, the topics have exhausted themselves. It became clear to both that there was nothing to discuss. Just like in the movie What Men Talk About, when Camille reads a text message from his wife: “Toilet paper. Bread. Milk".

Sometimes it was about views on life values. And here another problem arose. My husband is five years younger than me, and I turned out to be too experienced a partner for him in almost all areas of life. As a result, the dialogue did not work - it was more like consultations. My husband was a smart and grateful listener, but I was getting more and more bored.

Conclusion

Communication is the main component of any relationship.

Most of the time you communicate. And it should be fun for both of you.

If your partner looks into your mouth, and you are engaged in upbringing in life, over time you may get bored with this. If you are always in the position of an obedient student, someday you will want to be independent.

Communication should be mutually enriching. You should have a similar cultural background that you can build on together. When one constantly pulls the other along, or when people go their separate ways, vital chatter gradually disappears.

We tried to stay out of the house as much as possible.

We spent most of the time apart, but somehow we did not strive to be together. It was normal for the husband to come after 9-10 pm. I fell asleep peacefully when I put the baby to bed. We could hardly see each other until the weekend.

Saturday and Sunday were also spent in their own way. I walked with my son, tried to meet with friends. The husband spent time at the laptop: study, work, movies, games.

I used to tug at him and ask him to spend time with me. He reluctantly agreed. Then I left him alone. I felt more comfortable that way.

The book will be useful to weak partners who feel dependent on their soul mate and believe that relationships are based only on them. You will understand why your partner is drawn to you less and less and learn how to become stronger, restore harmony and self-sufficiency.

The book will help the leading people in a couple to figure out what happened in the relationship and where the former love and passion have gone. You will better understand your partner's motives and learn how to help him become more independent and calm and stop holding you around.

The book about different forms manifestations. Some feel love in the time they spend together, and some feel it through physical care and help. Someone small, but frequent gifts lead to ecstasy. In total, the author identifies five types: joint time, help, encouragement, touch and gifts.

Look among them for yourself and your soul mate. You may want to learn how to love your partner in the way that makes them feel the most comfortable. The book will be useful to anyone who needs a good relationship not only with a loved one, but also with other people.

The meaning of the book is as follows: people tend to play social games. There are simple stroking games that are known to everyone and accepted in society. For example, I came back from vacation, and you ask how I spent it.

There are more complex and dangerous games - scenarios. A person unconsciously searches for his script and plays it out. They are instilled in us from childhood and are good (becoming a doctor and saving lives) and bad (saving the lives of others, not remembering yourself, burning out at work and dying at 35).

My scenario - if you become pregnant, you definitely need to marry the father of the child, you can’t get divorced - you need to educate a partner. I did not see other options for the development of events and went straight ahead to this marriage, as if fulfilling a program. Only five years later I ask myself: do I really want to? Do I need it?

Go see a psychologist

Another way to harmonize relationships and life in general is to go to a psychologist. But it is better not together, but separately.

Psychologists do not tell how to live, and do not give valuable advice about the toilet lid. They ask questions, help to consider the situation from different angles, put yourself in the place of another person and realize that something is not right. You find the way out yourself.

Psychologists help to effectively cope with anxiety, fears and anger through various therapeutic practices, such as art therapy or sand therapy.

As a result, you will no longer be offended by the unpleasant behavior of your spouse, you will learn to be happy and stable.

After that, you will have two options:

• your harmony will positively affect your partner, relationships will improve;
• you will realize that you no longer need this relationship, and will soon disperse.

When the only way out is divorce

My first marriage was for me something like chickenpox, after which the body becomes permanently immune. Was this marriage unsuccessful? Yes, there was. Do I need such a relationship? Yes, they are needed.

We always attract only the right people. We learn alongside them. And if we learn a lesson, we become better. I needed a man with whom I would be a superwoman to be proud of the severity of my life.

Then I grew out of these ideas, but the relationship itself did not change and ceased to suit me. And there was only one way out.

Divorce is not a sentence, but work on mistakes

We were not and could not be happy together. Nobody is to blame for this. My ex-husband is a wonderful person, decent, smart, attractive, he dances wonderfully. I treat him well and wish him happiness from the bottom of my heart. I absolutely did not want to hurt him, although I understood that a divorce would be a tragedy for him. However, I did not shine next to him and eventually stopped trying.

For me there was only one option - to disperse. Of course, it is a pity invested in the relationship of effort and time. I was worried about ex-husband, I was worried about how the divorce would affect.

I was not ready to sacrifice myself out of politeness and regrets about the past, because this will not make anyone happy.

If you are walking somewhere for a long time and suddenly realize that you have been going in the wrong direction all this time, you have two options: turn back or deliberately continue walking in the wrong direction.

Divorce is not a disaster, you don't die from it. Divorce is work on mistakes. I admitted my mistake, forgave myself for it, and happily move on with my life.