What is most important for effective self-management of emotions. Emotion management is stress. The most important. Constantly develop
Incredible Facts
Feeling emotions is normal, the problem is that often we do not know at all what to do with them.
Therefore, in most cases, we resort to familiar methods. For men, the most common outlets are video games, alcohol and smoking. Women deal with their emotions through food or shopping.
It's good if it happens from time to time. However, most often we use such unhealthy methods regularly. In the end, our relationships, work and health suffer.
How can you learn to manage your emotions effectively?
There are a few rules to remember.
How to learn to control your emotions
1. You don't choose your emotions because they originate in a part of the brain that we have no control over.
2. Emotions defy moral rules. They are neither good nor bad, right or wrong. It's just emotions.
3. You are in charge of your emotions.
4. You can suppress emotions, but you cannot get rid of them.
5. Emotions can lead you astray or lead you down the right path. Everything depends on your actions.
6. The more you ignore them, the stronger they become.
7. The only way to deal with emotions is to allow yourself to feel them..
8. Emotions fuel your thoughts. You can use your thoughts to control your emotions.
9. You need to understand your emotions and what they want to tell you so you can deal with stress. In other words, you need to digest your emotions.
10. Every emotion carries an important message. This message helps you understand yourself better, even if you try to hide it. Do yourself a favor and accept whatever emotions you have by feeling them.
11. How your parents reacted to your emotions determines how you feel about your emotions now. As you have matured, your emotions have matured along with you. They developed, became deeper and more influential.
How to manage emotions
Your emotions have long been trying to come to the surface. They do not disappear, but go deep into the roots, and these roots make sense.
If you want to get to know your emotions better, start acknowledging them to avoid misunderstandings with others.
There are a few simple steps on how to learn to deal with your emotions.
1. What emotion are you experiencing
The first thing you need to do is determine how you feel. Psychologists distinguish 4 basic emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy.
When you are anxious, thoughts come to you: " What if I don't find a job?", "What if I'm lonely?", "What if I fail the exam?". You worry about the future and what might go wrong. Physically, you may feel an increased heartbeat, muscle tension, jaw clenching.
When you are sad, you have negative thoughts about the past. You feel tired and heavy, you may cry and have difficulty concentrating.
Anger is expressed in thoughts focused on how someone encroached on your values. The physical symptoms are similar to those of anxiety: heart palpitations, a feeling of tightness in the chest.
When you rejoice, thoughts are focused on your accomplishments. For example, you got a desired job, bought an apartment, or received a compliment. Physically, you feel light and calm, smile and laugh.
2. Determine the message of your emotions
Ask yourself a question to understand why you have this or that emotion:
Anxiety: What am I afraid of?
Sadness: What have I lost?
Anger: What values of mine have been hurt by the other person?
Happiness: What did I get?
Emotion management
Once you have identified an emotion and its message, you need to take action. Ask yourself if there is anything that can solve the situation. If possible, do so.
For example, if you are sad and cannot find a job, you can turn to friends and acquaintances for help.
If there is nothing you can do, think about how you can deal with the emotion. Meditate, talk to a friend, write down your thoughts on paper, engage in physical activity, apply for professional help. Choose what's right for you.
How to manage your emotions? Part one
Tags: Emotion managementDo your emotions get out of control? Do you experience experiences that reduce the quality of your life? If yes, then be sure to read this article!
To be honest, writing about managing emotions is not at all easy for me: there are so many nuances and aspects in this topic that, starting to describe one side of the issue, you realize that you are missing a lot of other, no less important things.
Today I planned to describe a very effective meditation exercise for managing your emotions. But simply describing the essence of the exercise, its stages, is too little: there will be little sense from thoughtlessly following the instructions. For maximum benefit it is necessary to understand the mechanisms by which our emotions function.
And so I began to describe the mechanisms. Having finished my description, I realized that the amount of text is fully consistent with a full-fledged article. But I haven’t even begun to describe the exercise itself!
So, I decided not to inflate the article to the size of "War and Peace". Detailed Instructions I will write to the exercise in the next article, in a week. And today we'll talk about how it works. I will list a few points that are most often associated with difficulties in managing emotions. It is these moments that the meditation exercise will affect.
So let's go...
1. Awareness of emotions
In order to manage your emotions, it is important to be aware of them. Many people are often not accustomed to paying attention to their emotional condition. Therefore, if you ask them how they feel in this or that situation, they will answer very vaguely: “Good”, “Bad”, “Somehow not very”, “Normal. What emotions are hidden behind these words? Unknown.
There are many words that can be used to describe emotions: joy, sadness, anger, irritation, sadness, longing, fear, anxiety, resentment, guilt, shame, embarrassment, hope, pride, tenderness, delight, etc.
The ability to describe the inner state using these or similar words is the first important step towards controlling emotions. Read more about why this is so important in this article. Here you will find simple and understandable instructions that will help you learn to better understand and understand the emotional state. In the same article, there is an audio recording of meditation that helps you look deep inside yourself and get to know your emotions better.
The meditation exercise, which I will describe in detail in the next article, also helps to become more aware of your own emotions.
2. Accepting emotions
What happens when we experience something unpleasant? Of course we want to get rid of what we don't like! We are so arranged that we instinctively resist pain, unpleasant sensations. We strive to avoid uncomfortable situations. And of course we do not want to experience negative emotions!
Therefore, faced with a negative experience, many try to suppress or muffle painful emotions, not to notice what is happening inside.
An even more serious variant of the struggle is when, for some reason, a person considers the emotions that have appeared to be unacceptable. For example, many do not allow themselves to be angry. “Aggression, anger, irritation are bad,” such a belief is often present. And then, having felt forbidden emotions, a person begins to push them inside himself.
Some do it so masterfully that they manage to hide emotions even from themselves. Such people, for example, may sincerely believe that they never get irritated, angry, or offended. I must say that such suppression of emotions never goes without consequences, and sometimes the price is too high: depression, chronic anxiety, psychosomatic disorders often result from the struggle with emotions.
Fighting your own emotions is harmful for many reasons. But now I want to dwell on only one of them in detail (read about other reasons).
Any struggle only increases the tension.
There is a principle in aikido called "refusing to fight". Its meaning is as follows: if the opponent strikes, then this strike does not need to be answered with resistance, because in this case you may lose your balance or not withstand the force of the blow. If you subtly feel the opponent's movements and follow these movements, in this case you will be able to use the opponent's strength for your own purposes.
This principle is quite difficult to understand unless you see how it happens. Therefore, I found a video on the Internet where the principle of refusing to fight is shown very clearly.
I am sure that most of my readers are far from martial arts. However, watch this video. It, at first glance, has nothing to do with psychology. But this is only at first glance. Watch it until the end, and then we will continue the conversation.
Looked? Now imagine that the guy in the orange T-shirt from the video is your emotions, and the man in the sweater is you. Do you see what will happen if you put up direct resistance? If your emotions are very intense, you are likely to have a hard time!
So, you can not fight with emotions! This is an absolutely useless business. How then to be?
It is important to learn to accept emotions as they are, without trying to somehow change or suppress them. Only in this case, you will be able to use emotional energy for your own good, and not for harm.
It's easy to say "take your emotions for what they are." It is much more difficult to implement this: when unpleasant experiences arise, most of us instinctively, automatically, out of habit, try to change something and actually turn on the struggle.
By making an emotion an object of meditation, you have much more opportunities to learn to accept it: during practice, it is easier to notice your own attempts to influence emotions and inner experience. Over and over again, stopping your desire to fight, you gradually learn to be kind and accepting to any of your experiences, whatever it may be.
The meditation that I will tell you about in the next article is designed in such a way that you learn to positively accept any of your emotions.
3. Seeing the wider context
Usually, when a person experiences some kind of strong emotions, he tends to go into them "with his head." He dives into the abyss of emotions and spends all of himself on experiences. His whole life, the whole world at this moment narrows down to one specific situation and the emotions associated with it.
If there is resentment inside, then all internal dialogues will be aimed at punishing the offender or proving something to him. If disappointment has befallen, then all thoughts will revolve around the situation associated with these experiences. A person spends all his strength, all of himself on the experiences that have arisen inside.
In order to learn how to manage your emotions, it is important to be able to look at your experiences from the outside. What does it mean?
This does not mean that you are trying to dampen your emotions. No, when you focus your attention on them, they can feel even more intense and stronger than usual.
This does not mean that you look at an emotion and decide for yourself: "Well, it's kind of stupid to have such experiences in such a situation."
To look at your experiences from the outside is to allow yourself to feel, to allow your emotions to be what they are. And at the same time, while living your emotions, it is important to realize that you are something more than the emotions that you are currently experiencing.
Imagine that you are standing in front of a huge picture, resting your nose on it. You see some fragment and are completely concentrated on it. If you take a few steps back, you will continue to see that fragment, but also a whole canvas will open in front of you. You will find that you have only seen a small element that is part of the whole picture.
Roughly the same thing happens when you focus on emotions during meditation. You have the opportunity to go beyond these emotions, to see your experiences in a wider context.
4. Understanding the meaning of emotions
I have already written in other articles that any emotion contains valuable information (for example, read about it). There are no emotions that do not carry any meaning. Each experience has a specific function. That is why it is impossible without negative consequences just take and suppress some emotion.
In order to manage your emotions, it is important to understand the meaning behind each of them.
It is far from always easy to understand the meaning of this or that experience, especially if it painfully and tangibly spoils life. The intensified work of thought, the inclusion of analysis and logical reflections are often meaningless here.
Emotions are born from within, and the understanding of their meaning also comes from within. Meditation helps to manifest the meanings inherent in emotions. However, don't expect it to happen instantly.
Imagine that you have entered a completely dark room. At first you will peer into the darkness and see nothing. Gradually, your eyes will begin to get used to, and you will begin to see the outlines of objects more and more clearly.
When you start to meditate, it can be like being in a dark room: you seem to be following instructions, but you don't see anything special. At this stage, the main thing is not to be disappointed, because if you continue to look inside yourself, gradually a lot of important and valuable things will begin to appear out of the darkness.
So, I repeat: understanding the meaning during meditation is not due to what you analyze, but due to the fact that you fix your attention on your experiences, allow yourself to just feel. As a result, you can suddenly discover something that you did not notice and did not understand before.
5. Letting go of unproductive emotions
There are emotions that obviously interfere with a person. For example, you are preparing for a responsible exam. Anxiety may build up inside. Again and again thoughts come: “Will I be able to do everything on time?”, “What if I get a ticket with questions, the answers to which I don’t know?”
Anxiety can be very painful, taking up a lot of effort and energy that would be better spent preparing for an exam.
Above, we have already said that inside each emotion there is a positive meaning. Even if it seems to us that emotion is absolutely destructive and only interferes, inside, on a subconscious level, there is a conviction that emotion is really needed.
Returning to the example of anxiety, we can assume that the prospect of failing an exam at an unconscious level is perceived by a person as a catastrophe. And then anxiety arises in order to mobilize your forces to the maximum. The fact that the result of such mobilization not only does not help, but even hinders, is not taken into account by the unconscious. The unconscious acts irrationally, outside the laws of logic.
What can be done in such a situation? You can try to convince yourself of something, say to yourself: “Oh, come on! This exam is not that important. There is nothing to be afraid of”, but such actions most often lead to nothing, because we convince ourselves at the conscious level, and the problem is at the level of the unconscious.
Imagine that you live on the second floor, and the neighbors from the first floor turned on the music at full power at one in the morning and prevent you from sleeping. From the fact that you get out of bed, start pacing around the apartment and talking into the void: “Turn off the music and don’t bother me to sleep!” nothing will change. In order to be heard, you need to go down to the floor below and negotiate there.
We can say that consciousness and the unconscious live on different floors. That is why attempts to convince oneself of something and tune in to certain emotions often turn out to be ineffective: in this case, the consciousness tries to prove something to the unconscious without going down to its floor.
Meditation is a practice that helps to establish contact with unconscious processes.
How does today's meditation work? Over and over again, you establish contact with your emotions, realize them, feel them, while accepting them and not trying to somehow change them. You just stay with the emotions as they are. This results in you becoming more and more aware of your emotional reactions. This happens not only and not so much at the level of logic and consciousness. Plunging into direct feeling, you go down to the floor to your unconscious.
As a result, an understanding may gradually come that the emotions that arise have no practical meaning, do not help, but only hinder. This understanding is not at the level of logic and consciousness. This understanding is on a different, deeper level. At the level of the unconscious. If such an understanding comes, emotions go away by themselves.
This happens only if the emotion really does not have any meaning anymore and arises “out of habit”. But often there is an important meaning inside the emotion, which its owner is not aware of. In this case, during meditation, understanding of these meanings can come.
6. Awareness of the roots of emotions
Often the roots of emotional reactions that arise in the present lie in the distant past. Let me illustrate this with the example I gave in the previous paragraph. Exam anxiety. Now I will talk about the common roots of this phenomenon.
There lived a child. Like any kid, more than anything, he needed the love and care of mom and dad. But adults did not have enough time for this, and their child grew up, experiencing a constant, chronic hunger for parental attention.
The child never blames the parents for this situation. He often begins to think that something is wrong with him. “If my parents don’t pay attention to me, then I’m somehow not like that,” says the kid. And then he has a desire to become better. He is trying at all costs to meet the expectations of his parents: to behave perfectly, to study well.
He discovers that the five brought from school makes parents proud, and so the child receives at least a little warmth and attention. He also sees Mom and Dad's disappointment at getting a B. And for him it is very painful, because the most important thing in a child's life is parental love.
So the baby begins to panic fear of bad grades. After all, for him a bad assessment means the loss of love.
Time passes. The child turns into an adult who no longer experiences such a strong need for love from his parents. Perhaps he decides for himself: “Well, yes. I didn't have a warm relationship with my mom and dad. It's sad of course. But that's in the past."
Everything seems to be in the past. But the fear of negative evaluation continues to haunt an adult. He is present at exams, at work, if necessary, to submit reports, etc. A negative assessment is still perceived at an unconscious level as a threat of loss of love. No longer parents, but simply surrounding people. And this is still a very painful topic that causes a lot of anxiety.
Of course, the described situation is not the only one that leads to anxiety before exams. There are other reasons as well.
With this story, I wanted to show that the roots of emotions that arise in the present can stretch from the distant past, often from childhood. A person may not even be aware of it.
Often, in working with a psychologist, people have strong and deep feelings about what they thought was long in the past. “Could it really matter? It was so many years ago! I thought that I had survived this situation for a long time, ”I regularly hear such words in consultations. But suddenly emerging emotions about situations from the past clearly show that this is important.
So we see that an emotional reaction often has a history. Its source may be some kind of long-term trauma, emotional pain. Emotions can be associated with beliefs that were formed a long time ago. For example, exam anxiety may hide unconscious beliefs: “In order for people around me to love me, I must be successful and show high results”, “If I fail, then I am unworthy and bad person" etc.
Of course, in order to understand this tangle, it is best to contact a specialist. But you can also do a lot on your own.
During meditation, fixing on emotions, an understanding may suddenly appear where they take their roots. It is not an understanding obtained through intellectual analysis. It is an understanding that is born spontaneously from within. It does not need to be expected, to try to do something in order for it to appear.
All you have to do is stay with your emotions, accepting them and living them. And at some point, understanding may come, and along with understanding, healing from emotional pain.
Today, in the self-help section, you will learn How can you manage your emotions and feelings? with a simple cognitive therapy technique
How to learn to manage your emotions
You are presented with the cognitive technique of Socratic self-talk in order to learn to manage your emotions and feelings.
For example, you are angry at your friend for his behavior (this is the emotion of anger), and are already ready for aggressive actions, against yourself if you are an introvert, or against others if you are an extrovert.
How to bounce back and get rid of anger, especially if it is really unreasonable, and how not to become aggressive at the same time?
To find out how to manage emotions, let's understand the cognitive model.
Its essence is: “As I think, so I feel, and as I feel, so I behave (including the physiological reactions of the body)”
That is, our feelings and emotions, and with them behavioral and physiological reactions ( arterial pressure, rapid or slow breathing, increased sweating, a lump in the throat, redness of the skin, and so on), directly depend on our thinking, on our interpretation of a traumatic, stressful situation (in our example, the behavior of a friend).
The scheme of the process of cognitive error (error of thinking) is as follows:
Stressful situation - Dysfunctional automatic thought (Autothought) or representation (image) - Emotion (feelings) - Behavior (and / or physiological reactions).
In fact, in order to return to normal well-being, we can break this chain anywhere, for example, by changing the situation: there will be no thoughts about it - there will be no emotions ...
But the situation cannot always be changed, especially since the unfinished situation with autothinking and unprocessed emotion remains in the head, in the depths of the psyche, and then manifests itself, for example, in relationships.
The emotion itself, or the behavior associated with it, is difficult to change, especially when you are experiencing it at the moment. Therefore, we will detect and change dysfunctional automatic thoughts (abbreviated as autothoughts).
Let's move on to the practice of using this technique to manage emotions.
So, you are angry… You need to imagine the moment when you started to get angry… what was the situation… what was the friend’s behavior… and ask yourself the question: “What was I thinking then?”Maybe I thought what a nice friend I have, how attentive he is to me?
Hardly! Probably, I thought that he does not love me and does not respect me, since he behaves like that? (thoughts are fast, so you need to catch them intuitively)
Well, that thought fits, "He doesn't respect me," so I got pissed off and was ready to nail him down.
Ask yourself the question: “How much do I believe in this idea that my friend does not respect me?” (from 0 to 100%)… say 90% (write down)
How strong, how intense is my emotion of anger? (from 0 to 100%)… let's say 80% (write down).
To do this, we conduct a dialogue with ourselves: we ask and answer ourselves the following questions:
1) What is the evidence supporting this idea?
We write out proofs (arguments) of ten pieces.
For example: He does not respect me, because he did not give me a loan.
And we prove...
2) What is the evidence that contradicts this idea?
Here we find more evidence than in the previous question.
For example: He respects me because….
3) Are there alternative explanations for this idea?
For example: It’s not that he doesn’t respect me, he just had a bad mood ... he didn’t have money ....
4) What's the worst thing that can happen if he doesn't respect me?
For example: we will stop being friends
5) Imagine that this happened and ask yourself: “Will I be able to survive this?”
6) What's the best thing that can happen if he doesn't respect me?
For example: he will respect me.
7) What is the most real thing that can happen if he does not respect me?
For example: we will find out the relationship, and continue the friendship.
8) What are the consequences of my belief in this idea that he does not respect me?
For example: I will accumulate negativity, and we will quarrel.
9) What are the consequences of changing this thought?
For example: I will stop getting angry, accumulate negatives, and I will be able to solve this problem.
10) What should I do about this?
For example: change your attitude (thinking) to a certain situation….
11) What can I advise close person in the same situation?
We write down a large adaptive response, for example: "MY MOOD DOES NOT DEPEND ON OTHERS RESPECT ME." (Later, it can be re-read several times to consolidate the result).
How much % do I now believe in this idea that he does not respect me? For example 30%. (or not at all).
What is the strength (intensity) of my anger? For example: I no longer have anger (or so much).
If you did everything right, then the belief in autothought will decrease or disappear altogether, as will the strength of the emotion, and you will feel better!
Similarly, other emotions and feelings, autothoughts and behaviors can be controlled, including obsessions….
As soon as you feel a change in mood or a manifestation of a negative emotion (feeling), immediately ask yourself: “What did I just think about?”, and find an adaptive response.
Psychological journal.
The criterion of maturity (development) of a person is his ability to manage himself: his perception, internal processes, personal resources, energy, etc. This also gives a sickly “bonus” of resistance to various kinds of external troubles and adverse circumstances.
The Unpleasant Truth About the World #1
An ordinary person strives for two things.
Experience as many and as strong pleasant feelings as possible (love, joy, happiness, pleasure, etc.).
And not to experience (preferably never) unpleasant feelings (suffering, disgust, resentment, uselessness, grief, longing, jealousy, shame, etc., etc.).
Desires are quite understandable and natural. For a child 5-6 years old, but not for an adult.
The truth (which hurts the eyes) is that in order to get rid of negative feelings and begin to enjoy positive feelings, you need to work on yourself properly. But an ordinary person, unfortunately, does not like to work on himself. An ordinary person loves when everything turns out quickly and, preferably, by itself: he pressed the button and oops! Everything is right in your pocket.
The world, however, is organized according to completely different principles than an ordinary person would like. You have to pay for everything in this world. And for the ability to manage their feelings as well.
Get ready for it!
"Don't think about the seconds down..«
Feelings have one interesting feature- they can completely discourage the ability to think rationally and make informed decisions. On the wave of feelings that have overwhelmed him, a person is able to do something that then puts a fat cross on his whole future life. Do you understand? There was a whole life with hopes and a plan, but just a couple of minutes or seconds (even hours) and that's it - that life is no more and never will be!
Example 1 A pretty girl makes a scene for her lover and, succumbing to immature feelings, the man decides to leave the family. Little children are left without a father. But the relationship between the girl and the man does not add up - the feelings turned out to be fake. They end up with a broken trough. Nobody won - everyone lost.
Example 2 A man (being 100% sober), having flared up in a fit of jealousy, kills his wife, two young children and mother-in-law. Four people are dead, one will live in a concrete barred box until the end of his days.
Example 3 A compassionate and childishly trusting woman sheltered "refugees". Exploiting her immature feelings, the enterprising guys pushed her into a property crime, and in addition they defrauded her of her apartment. Now the unfortunate woman is forced to deal with her feelings in the colony.
Example 4 The young man got angry with his friend because of the position expressed by the latter on one issue and mortally insulted him. A long-term friendship cracked, and then broke up. And when the young man got into serious trouble, the friend refused to help him.
You can collect millions of such stories - they were, are and will be.
All the troubles that occur in our lives are our fault. We ourselves, with our own hands, allow feelings from the unconscious to seize absolute power over us and force us to act “exactly this way and not otherwise.”
Obviously, it is critically important for any person to learn how to manage their feelings, since the inability to manage them is a direct path to the destruction of oneself and life around, a direct path to Satan (I use this term as the most understandable cultural symbol for our person of the finiteness of life and being).
Why Pushkin skillfully controlled other people's feelings
It's good to have a "hot heart" when it comes with " cold head". Feelings are an element that in skillful hands turns into an endless source inner strength, and in leaky hands it becomes destructive chaos and entropy striving for death (i.e., a manifestation of the same Satan).
Let's see how you can manage your feelings and always be your own master.
To begin with, it should be clear that while a person is under the control of his limited egoistic mind (which divides the world into I and Not-I), he is not his own master - he is under the heel of his insane servant.
When a person (after many years of meditation or as a result) has learned to realize his Self outside the limited egoistic mind, he gains unprecedented power over himself and his feelings. Now it is enough for him to look at the reactively arising feeling and immediately take it under control.
Remember - without the "pumped" ability to take an external position (an external point of view), all talk about managing feelings is nonsense of "type-psycho-hollows". You can only manage what you are aware of. And you can realize something only by “rising above it”.
second moment lies in the fact that with a "ruler and compass" you will not approach feelings. We can express in words only that which is decomposed into elements. Feelings do not decompose into elements, so logical rationalization here, as they say, “does not work”. The only effective tool for managing feelings is working with them as metaphors. By the way, poets and songwriters knew this very well “since the time of Tsar Peas” - all their sensual lyrics are built exclusively on metaphors.
For example
And the heart burns again and loves because it cannot help but adore. (A.S. Pushkin)
The flaming heart is the metaphor
And managing metaphors is already a rather simple technology.
Plus, the basic things, without which the management of feelings will resemble an attempt by an illiterate and incompetent boss (whom you can meet at every turn in Russia) to complete a complex project in record time (that is, it will be done “through the ass” according to the principle “we wanted the best , but it turned out as always).
It's about accepting and taking responsibility. The pieces are different, but interconnected.
So, everything you have is an integral part of you. Your so to speak "property". And any property implies some responsibility for it.
Get ready to receive.
The Unpleasant Truth About the World #2
What else do you need to know about how to manage your feelings?
Any management aims to influence the object of management in order to achieve some important and necessary result. No matter how different people imagine the ultimate goal of managing feelings, it will always be the same (just with a different degree of purity) - this is the achievement of inner harmony. There is simply no other purpose. It simply cannot exist, just as there cannot be two Daos.
It is difficult for an ordinary person to admit that there is something more important than harmony, an ordinary person wants wealth and pleasures from life. But another unpleasant truth about the world is that, having become rich and having access to exquisite pleasures, such a person does not become one iota happier (and even more harmonious).
Typical example
Here is a collective description of a typical American tragedy:
“He is a multimillionaire who owns a chain of 73 electronics retail stores. His cholesterol levels are high, and he is overweight by 60 pounds. He hasn't even had time to talk to his kids for the past five years, and the kids themselves are on drugs and see him as some ghostly figure they don't really know about. He sleeps in separate rooms with his wife, and the love and romance in his life are nothing more than memories being erased from memory ... "
And do you know what this “winner” thinks about the most? Everything is very simple. He only has one thing on his mind...
How to Open the 74th Store
In Your Trading Network!
(Gary Halbert)
Wealth, fame, recognition, honor, etc. - these are the goals that you can achieve much easier when you are in a state of inner harmony. Unless, of course, you decide that you need them. Or get them as accompanying "bonuses" to what you are doing or will be doing.
And here important point- You must achieve harmony between yourself and the ultimate goal of your activity (and your actions as such) both in order to achieve serious creative success in this activity, and in order not to experience unnecessary stress in the process.
Therefore, always strive exclusively for harmony, this is the right direction.
Three Ways to Learn to Manage Your Feelings
I know several ways to learn to manage feelings. One of the most common and popular is to read a couple of centners of books and other educational materials on psychology, philosophy, esotericism, listen to and watch terabytes of audio and video on this topic, scoop out all possible exercises / techniques from there and carefully perform all of them. It is likely that by the time you finish, you will be quite old, "but" ... do not have to spend money!
Another way much more practical - you can invent a time machine and flash back periodically, continuing to learn all the things that need to be learned and practice the things that need to be practiced. What will happen in the end? And it turns out that in fact you will spend quite a bit, just a few years on self-education, and judging by the clock, only three hours have passed since you read this article.
But if you do not want to waste the precious years of your own life, and you cannot invent a time machine, the only thing I can advise you is personal work with a trainer who will build for you systemic work and will help you get to the result much, much faster.
And first of all, I would advise you to overcome the most difficult barriers to managing your own feelings, which are hidden in the depths of your unconscious. To do this is quite simple - just go through (and this can be done within a couple of weeks) several specialized sessions - Gnostic Intensive and the Shunyata complex. This can be done within
Emotion management skills allow us to deal effectively with our emotional reactions. Although we cannot always control our feelings, we can control what we do in response to those feelings. The first step to becoming better in control of your emotions starts with learning to recognize emotions and how they affect your life.
Without the ability to notice the emotional reaction, recognize it and give it its due, we will not perceive ourselves as a source of action in our environment. This can lead to other people influencing your emotions without your consent. Thus, one can become like a person who found himself in a raging ocean with only one oar in his hands, and experience a feeling of powerlessness.
How can we overcome this illogical belief that other people have the power to evoke an emotional response in us? It all starts with learning to manage emotions. Below are excellent methods for managing emotions. These methods have been reviewed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, Director of the Behavior Research and Treatment Clinic, author of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Starting with the seventh method, all other methods were taken and processed from the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Manual (McKay, Wood, & Brantley, 2007).
1. Identification and designation of emotional reaction
The first step to managing emotions is learning to recognize and label current emotions. The complexity inherent in emotional processes makes this step deceptively difficult. The process of identifying emotions requires you to be able to notice/observe your reactions as much as it is to be able to describe emotional manifestations.
Try to focus on observation and description:
1) the event that gave rise to the emotion;
2) the meaning attached to this event;
3) sensations from this emotion - bodily sensations, etc.;
4) the behavior expressed in movements that arose due to this emotion;
5) the impact of this emotion on your personal functional status.
2. Identifying barriers to changing emotions
It can be very difficult to change our deep-seated emotional reactions, because over time we have become accustomed to responding to certain events in a certain predictable way. It can be especially difficult to change emotional reactions that do not benefit us, but for which there are always arguments to justify (for example, “I know that I should not take sleeping pills, but when I take them, I feel better”).
Emotions usually have two functions: to alert others and to justify one's own behavior. We often use emotional responses to try (even unconsciously) to influence or control other people's behavior, as well as to explain our perception/interpretation of certain events. To manage emotions, it is extremely important to be able to recognize the function of a particular emotional reaction and understand why you express these emotions in this way.
3. Decreased sensitivity to the level of "emotional intelligence"
If we are under stress from physical activity or stress under the influence of external factors, therefore, on such days we are more vulnerable to emotional reactivity. key point to regulate emotions is to maintain a healthy balance in various areas of daily activities. Thus, we prevent our physical, mental and emotional overstrain.
To reduce emotional sensitivity, you need to develop the habit of eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, exercising appropriately for you, abstaining from psychotropic substances unless they have been prescribed for you by a doctor, and increasing the self-confidence that comes in action when you see your performance. and begin to realize your competence.
4. Increasing the number of events that bring positive emotions
Dialectical behavior therapy is based on the assumption that people "feel bad for good reasons." The perception of events that cause strong emotions can be changed, but the emotions still remain. An important way to manage emotions is to exercise control over the events that trigger those emotions.
What can be done right away is to increase the number of positive events in your life. The long term is a fundamental lifestyle change that will increase the frequency of positive events. In this case, it is important to remember that you need to pay attention to the positive events taking place in your life.
5. Increased psychological involvement in currently available emotions
Dr. Linehan (1993) explains that "by showing one's pain and anguish, but not attributing this display to negative emotions, one ceases to induce secondary negative emotions." When we actively reason that this or that emotion is “bad”, as a result we fall into a “bad” emotional state and feel guilt, sadness, sadness, or anger. By adding these harmful feelings to an already negative situation, we only amplify the harm and make and complicate the situation that the negative event caused.
By learning to understand your emotional state (for example, without trying to change or block your emotions), you will be able to endure a stressful situation without adding fuel to the fire (i.e., without increasing the number of negative emotions). This does not mean that you should not perceive the event as one that hurts and treat it accordingly, it just means that you should remember not to let the emotions you express interfere with your ability to respond to the world around you properly. .
Consider how you can apply these emotion management techniques to your Everyday life. The process of learning to manage emotions takes practice. This new skill must be recognized, it must be learned to apply and practice all the time. Whenever you encounter a situation that you know will be a source of intense emotion, try to take it as an opportunity to practice these emotion management techniques. Have you noticed that when you pay more attention to your emotions and are aware of them, your feelings change?
6. Using the opposite action
An important method of dialectical behavior therapy for modifying or managing strong emotions is to change the "behavioural-expressive component through actions that are contrary to the emotions" (Linehan, 1993, p. 151). The use of the opposite action does not imply inhibition of the expression of an emotion, but rather simply the expression of another emotion.
An example would be the subjective feeling of being overwhelmed when a person does not want to get up in bed and interact with other people, and the opposing decision to get up and walk around the neighborhood, which does not prohibit the existence of the first feeling, but is opposed to it. Most likely, it is impossible to immediately get rid of the state of depression, but this state can be countered by positive changes in your feelings.
7. Applying Suffering Techniques
When you feel anger, sadness, or anxiety, you feel like you need to do something urgently to stop or dull those unbearable negative emotions. In fact, states with strong negative emotions can be tolerated. Taking impulsive actions, from overwhelming negative emotions, you only worsen the situation.
8. Decreasing physical sensitivity as a way to deal with emotions
This method is similar to the method of desensitization to the level of "emotional intelligence". In order to deal with unwanted emotions, as well as identifying and understanding how thoughts and behaviors affect your emotions, it is important to recognize the physical condition that makes you more or less susceptible to these emotions.
You can determine to what extent your physical state influences your emotions by asking yourself the following questions:
- How does my diet affect my well-being?
- How does overeating or undereating immediately affect me, and what are the long-term consequences of these actions?
- How does alcohol and pills affect me immediately, and what are the long-term consequences of taking them?
- How does my sleep (or lack thereof) affect my well-being?
9. Revealing emotions
The main goal of dialectical behavior therapy is to learn to see your emotions, not avoid them. When we are aware of our emotional state, we have a choice of how we react to the situation and how we will feel. Emotion detection begins with keeping a record of the events that affected your emotions and extracting specific emotions for later management or elimination of those emotions. By writing down the events that influenced your emotional state, you will learn to identify your typical reaction to certain emotions.
If you know that, for example, you need to make a great effort to extinguish a fit of anger, you must learn (slowly at first) to observe this negative emotion, how the body reacts to it and the impulses that arise, and try to avoid judgment, that may arise in connection with this emotion. This process of gradually revealing emotions must be accompanied by an attentive attitude to everything that you experience.
10. Mindfulness of your emotions without making judgments
If you are attentive to your emotions, but do not judge them, then you reduce the likelihood of their increase in intensity. This mindful recognition especially helps you deal with unwanted emotions. Concentrate on your breathing, observe the emotions that you are experiencing at the moment.
Try to look at your emotional state through the eyes of an outside observer. Just notice everything that happens - do not divide what is happening into “bad” or “good”. Getting your emotions under control can be very difficult. Pay attention to all your thoughts and judgments about the emotions you are experiencing (or even your intentions stemming from the emotions) and let them run their course. What will you get in the end if you do all this?
Try to find ways to apply these emotion management techniques in your daily life. How you work to become more aware of your ability to consciously observe your emotions and how you express those emotions.
- Psychology: personality and business