If the husband calls by name. Why a man does not call a woman by name: the opinion of psychologists. Unpleasant associations with your name

“My fish”, “bird”, “baby” - affectionate words are pleasant and caress the ear, but sometimes they can displace what was given to us at birth. Why does a man not call a woman by name, we will find out the opinion of a psychologist. Of course, you can agree to affectionate nicknames, and nicknames on the Internet sometimes stick to us to death, but the best compliment for any person is his name.

What's in a name

The ancient man hid his name. It was believed that on him, as on the trail, he could be overtaken by troubles and illnesses. A similar tradition exists among some nationalities to this day. This also happens because of the fear that after learning the name, the enemy with the help of magic will be able to harm a specific person.

Therefore, there is an opinion that reluctance to name, is rooted in that ancient, deeply hidden fear in us of harming a person, revealing him to evil forces, denoting the name.

Modern scholars take a different view. Dale Carnegie, an American psychologist, believes that the name for a person sounds like the best melody. With the name we grow, we get used to it, as to our second skin. His pronunciation is also the fact of our existence as individuals. And therefore, it is pleasant for any person to hear a combination of sounds denoting his name.

Most psychologists are sure: by the way a man calls a woman, in public or in private, you can judge his attitude whether the feelings he is experiencing are serious and deep. And what is the approximate forecast for the future of such a pair.

But, perhaps, first you should try to find out the nature of why a man does not address you by name, but calls you “bird”, “sun”, “mouse”.

Yvette, Lisette, Musetta, Jeanette, Georgette

The first thing that comes to mind when a man doesn't want to call you by your first name is he's afraid to make a mistake. He has many women, and in order not to get into a mess, he calls everyone “bunnies”. There are also such situations. But extremely rare. More often the reasons can be the following:

• No wonder they say that we come from childhood. Probably, in the family of a man was not accepted call each other by name. After all, it happens when a husband calls his wife by her last name, and she answers him the same. Plus the experience of school years, when everyone in the class, out of habit, called each other according to the list in the class magazine.
• There is memory problem names. It happens that the usual frequently used words are confused in the head. And this happens quite often to almost every second person. not wanting to offend loved one, the interlocutor tries to avoid his name.
• Was bad communication experience and your namesake broke a man's heart. It is not surprising that now the partner is diligently closing. After all, the name is considered an intimate thing, saying it out loud, a person will have to trust you. But with this case, he did not work out.
• It happens when it seems to a person that a particular name doesn't fit a certain individual. Although this problem is more characteristic of women. But the male esthete with his artistic vision does not perceive you as Izolda Tikhonovna in any way and prefers to call you kitty.
• There are also more serious reasons. When a man wants to keep a distance in a relationship, he is afraid to get closer and thus puts a psychological barrier between himself and a woman.

In the latter case, we can talk about a phobia or fear of calling a particular person by name. Naming someone, we begin to spiritually draw closer to him. For some, this is scarier than being under the gun.

Sometimes only a competent psychologist can find out the specific reason, our complexes are so deeply seated in us.

Honey! I am your bunny!

According to psychologists, such cute names that men reward their partners with can have some meaning, each of them denotes a specific situation.

If you are called "darling" It means that a man lacks care and tenderness. He needs a sense of confidence in you. Prove your love to him more often, take the initiative. Such behavior will be appreciated.

are called "sunshine"? Waiting for such radiance and beauty. Don't fool the man. Try to always look great. Men love with their eyes, and they also love to be proud of the woman who is nearby.

Various "fluffies": "bunnies", "seals"- talk about his soft nature. Such a man can be easily controlled, he is malleable and ready for a lot for you.

But hearing the words "precious", "my gold", you need to be careful. Your partner is interested in you for some selfish purpose. From these relations, he requires certain benefits. Names like " gorgon, goat hide discontent, and also show a certain superiority of the speaker.

Pay attention to adding a pronoun "my", a man on a subconscious level is trying to get rights to you.

Whether it is worth trusting psychologists in such a difficult matter as a relationship with a man is up to you. But maybe calling you "my bun" he means not excess weight, and the desire for a delicious lunch for yourself?

Seemingly strange situation. You have a beloved man, you have the most tender feelings for each other, but for some reason he avoids calling you by name. All kinds of “bunny”, “kitten”, “sun” and even brutal “baby” are in use, but your name is Ira, Alena or Nastya! What's the matter?

Psychologists are sure that there is a certain meaning in how a man addresses his beloved. By the way he calls you in public or when he is alone with you, you can most likely determine how serious your relationship is. Or rather, his attitude towards you and what is happening between you.

So, if there is no place for your name in the vocabulary of your half, this is not a very good sign. Of course, the “fish” sounds incredibly cute, but when you don’t hear anything other than this very fish in your address, something is not right here.

The reasons for this male behavior psychology highlights a few.

Unpleasant associations with your name

In fact, this is the rarest possible cause.

Your man is a big sissy, and he can’t forget how the chemistry teacher Natalya Nikolaevna shamed him in front of the whole class, now it’s just physically unpleasant for him to pronounce the name “Natasha”.

Well, what can I say ... This also happens. If you are happy with the hypochondriac hysteroid type, keep pretending to have accepted this game. In the future, do not be surprised if he forbids you to brew black tea (because at a previous job it was doused from a cup) or turn on the light in dark apartment(because that's how he caught his parents doing one interesting thing). Any fool (forgive me, but we will speak directly), takes root and begins to bloom in a lush color when it is reverently looked after.

If you don’t want to turn into a twitchy girlfriend of such a neurotic, tell him: “Seryozha, my name is Natasha. Natasha. Natasha. Repeat after me. Not Bunny. Not my girl. And Natasha. Repeat until you learn. Or let go in all four directions until he turns you into a victim of his painful memories.

Nothing serious

More common situation. Your darling just doesn't take you seriously. Neither to you personally, nor to your relationship with him, nor to the prospects of these relationships. For him, you are not a future wife, a keeper of the hearth and a mother of his future children, but simply another page in his book of adventures.

From the point of view of the psychology of relationships, men, avoiding calling you by name, subconsciously avoid serious relationship with you.

Men are straight creatures. When they seek to conquer a woman, it absorbs all their thoughts. Therefore, in this case, their chosen ones hear "Olya, Olga, Olenka", but not "fish" or "baby".

The name of a loved one is the most beautiful music on this planet.

A man who does not call you by your first name clearly does not classify you as his favorite. And there is no need to write off such lexical predilections of his for a romantic nature. Be sure, when he meets the one that he takes with all seriousness, she will be referred to only as Allochka, Masha or Lyudochka.

A screen for a despot

Another way to explain this phenomenon from the point of view of psychology.

Lisping and saying “my girl”, “mouse”, “cat” instead of calling you Larisa, Lenochka or Tanyusha, can be well-disguised tyrants and despots.

During the courtship period, they usually do not manifest themselves in any way. But when you start moving towards, the first bells appear. Either your friends are not like that, then this wine does not suit this fish, then the dress is too short - so the future family tyrant begins to do his favorite pastime.

If your gentleman has a penchant for uninvited mentoring, this is a reason to seriously think about it. Masters of manipulation and psychological pressure can deprive you of a sense of self-respect, self-esteem, self-awareness as a person.

And for them it is just very common to use “gentle words”, which in their performance sound condescendingly patronizing. Like, you are my little fool, well, how can you know that in this salad, a pickle is completely superfluous ...

If you don’t want to hear insulting attacks, criticism and ridicule all your life, run away from him.

The name for any person is one of the most important components of personality, and it matters how often and with what intonation the most significant people in life pronounce it. Of course, on your own, without the involvement of specialists, you can build a lot of theories about why a man avoids calling a woman by her name - the opinion of psychologists on this matter converges in several aspects, and all of them do not speak in favor of the lady.

Men, for all their internal similarities, are somewhat different in character, and their attitude to certain issues is sometimes different in the same way.

Of course, men, for all their internal similarity, are somewhat different in character, and their attitude to certain issues sometimes differs in the same way, but in any case, the name of their beloved is no less important for them than the rest of her image. That is why the fact that the girl is not called by name should certainly alarm her, because the explanations for this, which are reduced by experts to three main reasons, are by no means joyful.

no excuses

In fact loving man will incline the name of the chosen one in all cases, coming up with its various affectionate options.

So, many psychologists note: the representative of the stronger sex subconsciously refuses to call the allegedly beloved lady by name only because in reality their romance is not something significant in his life. The girl herself can indulge herself with illusions on this score, for example, that it is individual characteristics her men, but soon she, according to the behavioral signs of her chosen one, will find out an unpleasant and rather painful truth for herself. She should take into account: no matter how secretive or withdrawn a man may be, when he is really seriously in love, with the prospect of building matrimonial plans, the name of the woman he loves will hardly leave his lips.

Moreover, in fact, a loving man will begin to decline the name of the chosen one in all cases, coming up with various affectionate options for him, and in some cases he will begin to invent those that no one has called her before. This will be a manifestation of the natural desire not only to be original and unique, but to verbally “mark” your territory, demonstrating that this woman belongs exclusively to him, and no other guys have the right to approach her.

Therefore, if a girl, instead of her name, regularly hears “fish”, “pussies”, “bunnies” and their other analogues from her beloved on duty, she should think about the prospects of her novel. Is it really necessary to spend priceless months, or even years, on someone who does not experience deep reciprocal feelings and subconsciously seeks to maintain a certain psychological distance from this woman? Wouldn't it be better to leave and look for someone else for whom her name will sound like real music, and will be pronounced by him with love, tenderness and joy?

No loss of personality

At an early stage in a relationship, a man will endlessly lisp, use "zoological" nicknames in relation to the girl he is dating.

Another explanation for the lack of naming, often voiced by psychologists, is that a particular woman got a hidden domestic tyrant and despot as a companion, who will not immediately begin to show her worst qualities. In the early stages of a relationship, he will lisp endlessly, use "zoological" nicknames for the girl he is dating (never or in fact never calling her by name), and when he takes steps towards rapprochement, certain manipulations will begin on his part. He will suddenly show a tendency to unsolicited moralizing, criticism of everything that is important for this woman: her friends, clothing style, eating habits, and so on. By any means, such a person will strive to remake and even break it for himself.

It’s not worth agreeing to such a girl who does not seek to end her life as someone’s psychological slave, it’s better to part with such a tyrant as quickly as possible, distance yourself from him and go in search of a new love.

No modifications

As many people who are well-versed in psychology know, any complexes bloom in a violent color precisely when they are cherished and cherished in every possible way, and not eager to be eliminated.

The least common reason why it is difficult for a man to call a woman by name is the presence of psychological complexes associated with him or other unpleasant associations. For example, if in childhood a guy regularly received scolding from a teacher or teacher Marya Ivanovna, he is unlikely to be eager to pronounce the name "Masha" in any of its variants with love and tenderness. Another question is whether the chosen one should indulge such complexes in an adult man, who, by definition, must already learn to cope with psychological problems or look for ways to solve them with the involvement of appropriate specialists.

As many people who are well-versed in psychology know, any complexes bloom in a violent color precisely when they are cherished and cherished in every possible way, and not eager to be eliminated. It will be difficult or even impossible for a girl to convince and remake such a man. You will regret the time spent on such relationships later.

For reflection

It became clear that a man's unwillingness to call a woman by name can be based on the desire to maintain a distance or put up a barrier, on distrust, insincerity, disrespect, a frivolous attitude towards a woman and fear of deepening relations with her.

Think, dear ladies, do you need to become a "nameless star"?

So, if a man called you by a different name, what does it mean, and how should it be understood? First, do not immediately fall into hysterics and paranoia. Still, each of us makes a reservation. Perhaps he called you after his sister or best friend. Then, of course, there is nothing wrong with that. Think for yourself, because it happens that you communicate with someone all day long, call by name, and then, automatically pronounce this name, referring to another person. We all have the right to such small mistakes. It doesn't mean anything, just a reflex and nothing more. In addition, sometimes people look like someone and a person can accidentally mix up the names. If you know that you resemble some acquaintance, whose name he called you, then you should not panic either. It's just that sometimes our consciousness and subconsciousness confuse verbal images. But, this does not mean that a person can confuse real people. Therefore, in no case start throwing a tantrum, be offended and blame the young man for all the sins of the world. If you know for sure that there is a real, familiar girl who has no romantic plans for your boyfriend, and it was her name that sounded, then just smile and play a joke.

Well, what to do if a guy called you by a name that so far does not carry any information about a real person, but is already terribly annoying? To begin with, let's define the situation in which it was said. If this happened during a normal conversation, then you should also not start sounding the alarm ahead of time. After all, most likely, it happens to you that, for example, some song gets stuck in your head and spins all day. It could be the same with the name. The person just heard the name and it, for no known reason, got stuck in the subconscious. In a conversation, a guy can call it without hesitation, simply because it is firmly embedded in his “database” today. But, nevertheless, in order to completely calm down, ask again who this Masha, Dasha, Sasha is, or who he called you there. And look at the young man's reaction. If he behaves calmly and adequately, answers immediately, or just thinks, then nothing terrible has happened and this name really means nothing to him. But in the case when a young man begins to nervously remember and “resist”, his eyes run and he randomly tries to justify himself, then something is clearly not right here.

People who have nothing to hide never make excuses. Even if you start accusing him of something, the guy will tell the truth and close the topic. He will not scandalize or convince. He will simply show with his whole appearance that he is honest and pure in front of you. But if, as they say, a young man has a “stigma in a cannon”, then he will definitely begin to try to justify himself and get out. People who lie always and with all their might try to hide their lies behind calmness and coldness. But, only a few are able to do this, especially if they are taken by surprise. Therefore, if the name said by the guy means a lot to him, he will with all his might begin to prove to you that he does not know it, he will justify himself, say that you accuse him, even if you simply become silent. This is where you can sound the alarm. Of course, you should not immediately think that he is cheating on you. But perhaps he liked some other girl, and her name stuck in his head. That's what he called you, and now he understands what he did and is trying to fix it. His behavior can also be interpreted in two ways. A young man may do this to convince vigilance and continue some kind of secret relationship. Or, on the contrary, he understands that he did something stupid and he doesn’t need anyone except you, he’s afraid to lose his loved one, and that’s why he tries so hard to avert suspicion from himself. If the second option is correct, the guy eventually confesses. But only if you threaten him with a breakup if he doesn't tell the truth. Most likely, the young man will repent and beg forgiveness from you, which is already pleasing. After all, perhaps it really is just a fleeting weakness. Of course, for prevention, you need to show that this is unpleasant for you, but if you see that the guy really admits his guilt, you should not torment him for too long. To look at someone and call someone else's name is far from the most serious crime that a man is capable of. But, I repeat, so that in the future, something worse does not happen, nevertheless, take the necessary preventive measures that will make you think next time before calling your beloved girl by a false name.

The worst thing is if a guy called you by a false name, and even during sex, and then hysterically tries to justify himself and get out, but he doesn’t succeed and he repeats his attempts with more and more zeal, from which his words become more less and less realistic. In this case, there really is a reason to be jealous and think about it. What is going on behind your back. Still, not a single girl wants to sit in ignorance and believe in love, when already half the city knows that her beloved is having fun with another lady. Therefore, if you understand that the guy is outright lying, try to get him to tell the truth, no matter how bitter it may be.

In such a situation, the answer to the question: if a man called you by a different name, what does it mean, it will be completely different from what you would like to hear. But, on the other hand, it is better to know the truth and decide for yourself how to act, rather than live with illusions, which will then be cruelly broken, and the fragments will hurt your heart. Someone else's name in the mouth of your boyfriend can be either a mere accident or an occasion to think about his honesty, loyalty, and relationship prospects. The main thing is to correctly determine the cause and draw adequate conclusions. Then you will be able to do the most right thing if this happens in your life.

I am writing, as usual, from an empty acc, "so that no one guesses" :)

In general, such here at me foolish problem. My husband doesn't want to call me by my first name. My name is normal - Slavic, short, easy to pronounce))). He easily calls other women he knows with the same name, that is, the problem is not in the name itself, but in something else.

We are both in our thirties, first marriage, two children, together for a little over ten years.

We met at one thematic forum, where I had a long and sonorous nickname. This nickname was shortened several times, the shortest version was used by the closest friends-buddies with whom my husband and I (then still future) spent time. At first, we all called each other forum nicknames there, and this somehow reached into our relationship with M., the first years of marriage, we still used nicknames by inertia, incl. some sweet forms.

By the way, we didn’t use any affectionate words like “sun, honey” and even the ironic “dear-dear” either. Gradually, I began to call my husband by his first name, sometimes by his last name - but he didn’t like his last name, and I stopped. But he .... he just stopped calling me anything. In that company, everyone switched to names and Facebook for a long time (only my husband, it seems, is the only one from that company, did not start a real account on FB), it’s not a problem for my husband to call other people by name: relatives, friends, children, too - with pleasure, with a bunch of caressing options.

In his phone, I have him, imagine, is still recorded under the same nickname. Ten years later, yes.

If it matters, my name is the same as his sister's. (Listen, maybe he is secretly in love with his sister and cannot "give" her name to a "foreign" woman? And what, also an option ... hmm.)

Those. when he needs to call me from the kitchen, for example, he will shout something like "Hey, do you want to make tea?" I'm offended, I say that you shouldn't call me "Hey", I have a name - it's all for nothing. Sometimes he calls me "mother" with irony, but this is only in the context of talking about children. She also asked that it was not necessary, also with peas against the wall.

In general, the husband has a way to communicate somehow too streamlined, chtoli. so to give minimum minimum information. For example, some time ago I broke my arm, and he was taking me in a taxi to the injury. And now he had to call his boss and say that he would not come to work today. Calling means:
- Hello, hello. I won't be here today - I'm going to an injury now.
- (obviously, on the other side they ask what happened).
- No, not me. Yes, home here. Come on. I'll try to be tomorrow.

I can't understand - why it was impossible to say humanly, "my wife broke her arm, I'm taking her to an injury"? Why is this “food” (like, driving himself?), “homemade” (who? trained to give me more accurate information. But it is, digression.

So what's up with the name? Is this normal, don't you think? Why is this even possible?

I spoke with him specifically for our entire experience several times. He answers just as vaguely and vaguely - "But don't I call? Well, maybe ... I don't know why ... no, I can't promise anything .. well, somehow it doesn't work out" - I.e. it's like screaming into a pillow. He doesn't resist, but he doesn't agree and doesn't do either. For some reason it can't. I even have several versions of why this is so (not all of them are equally serious, but it seems important to me to name even outright nonsense if it pops up in my head. And what if it helps):

1. He fell out of love with me.
2. He has always been secretly in love with his sister, and he cannot call anyone by her name.
3. He never came to terms with the fact that I am not that light and joyful girl who was hiding behind a funny avatar with a nickname that is still recorded on his phone. He is disappointed and cannot accept the real me.
4. He is in merger with me, I am like his arm or leg, for example. Well, a person will not seriously call his leg by name, right?

What do you think? Why? And what should I do about it?