True love is the best. True love, what is it like in real life? What does love mean in a person's life

A magical state is to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When adrenaline overflows, you grab this spring cocktail with wide sips, rejoice and live. You do not exist, namely you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together. What it is? - Real love?

From love to hate one step. We remember this phrase from childhood and believe it, in fact, not understanding the true meaning of either the word “hatred”, or, moreover, the word “love”. And at the same time, from the same childhood, many of us dream of true love, simply getting confused in our own desires, dreams, aspirations and stereotypes.

What is true love? How is it different from love addiction and falling in love? How not to make a mistake?

A magical state is to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When adrenaline overflows, you grab this spring cocktail with wide sips, rejoice and live. You do not exist, namely you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together.

What it is? - Real love?

Unlikely. Magically. But short-lived. The euphoria fades quickly. And what remains?

What is at the root of this attraction? We immediately talk about true love, assure ourselves and loved ones that we feel exactly this. And definitely forever. To the tombstone. Every time. But after a couple of weeks, losing the first sharpness of feelings, we are already slipping out of the relationship. Surprised, disappointed or...

Or vice versa. We tightly become attached to a person, we grab any of his words on the fly ... We go crazy. We are completely dependent on him. We give ourselves to him to the last drop and expect the same in return.

What if we don't get it?

This article is about what true love is, how it differs from falling in love and love addiction. It will give an understanding of these states from the standpoint of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology. What exactly did you have to face?

And what to do in order not to go crazy and be already happy?

But first, watch a short excerpt from a free lecture on system-vector psychology, where Yuri Burlan tells what will give an understanding of a person from the inside:

What is true love: origins

True love at first sight? Many dream about it, dream about this state, not realizing that it is not about love at all and, moreover, not about true love ...

All love states are characteristic of people with. And what exactly a person is able to experience depends on the development of the vector. The whole range of emotions from the hysterical desire "love me, I feel bad without your attention" to the contemplative "I love the world and I feel good if it's good for you." One root - and two extremes. Emotion! Emotional connections. Attachment. Love. Love. Passion.

What is true love and infatuation?

Love covers us with a wave. Instant and crushing, dulling the sense of reality and bringing down the whole world on your head, not giving time and opportunity to look back, think, accept ... It is bright, emotional, it is a peak that can just as quickly and easily subside and disappear altogether. Sometimes right away. Sometimes after a while.

She, at times, is quite hysterical, absolutely emotional and not deep. This condition is characteristic of almost all people with a visual vector. This is a dispersion of feelings, the euphoria of a nascent relationship. It has an indirect relation to true love.

Almost all of us have experienced it. These are the same sighs, songs under the window, romance, a certain “pinkness”. What they sing about, write about, what they live and breathe. What are skeptics laughing at.

This is an absolutely normal state of the viewer. People with a visual vector are unusually amorous. They instantly build emotional bonds. Moreover, often in in large numbers- with different objects.

No matter how strong love is, do not forget that this phenomenon is temporary. It can become the basis for a relationship. But it will never be their only component.

It can develop into a wild passion or addiction. And it can bring burning pain. Or joy.

What is true love and love addiction as the opposite of true love

Love addiction is one of the most painful conditions that a person can experience. "Unrequited love" is often accompanied by it, turning the soul inside out and discoloring the world around. Under certain conditions, the viewer is able to create an emotional connection with one person, bringing down all his feelings on him. Literally drowning him in a volcano of passions.

A person with a love addiction is tightly attached to the object of his passion. Thinking about him around the clock. Hysteria, not getting enough attention. It should be noted that any attention, any reciprocal feeling will be insufficient. All the time there is little man, few of his words, deeds, few ... few! I want it to be completely the same dissolution in a relationship.

Deep processes actually come down to an urgent need to be seen. And get what you want, no matter what.

At the same time, the one who has become attached often thinks that he lives for the sake of this person (and in fact he lives by him and exclusively for himself), that this is true love. “The roof was blown off”, “he drives me crazy”, “I can’t help but see him”, “I don’t want to live without him”. This is just a hysteria caused by one single desire - to get a person completely.

No matter how it hurts. No matter how you convince yourself that you really love, you need to get rid of love addiction. This is a destructive state, emotional swings, which under no circumstances can become the basis for relationships. This is in the visual vector, a painful condition, dissatisfaction that tears you from the inside, and also crushes the life of someone who is so dear to you like a hurricane.

What is true love the way it is?

True love is calm and majestic. It does not swing you like a pendulum, does not throw you into a storm. She is like the sea, slightly touched by a warm breeze. Warming. Warm. Creative. There is no hysteria or fear in her. And there is no pain either.

If this is True Love, then there is no egoism in it and the desire to be loved. She has a desire to give. Do not say that “I will throw the whole world at his feet”, but really give.

True love is contemplative. Only people with a developed visual vector who do not experience fears are capable of it. Pushed out all their natural fears through compassion. It is impossible to truly love one person and remain callous to the rest of the world. In true love, the state is even, powerful. When you love, you truly see and love the whole world. And he, in turn, is painted with bright, amazing colors.

You must learn to love!

How? Through the development of the visual vector. Through compassion. Learn to give. And receive only to give.

For a visual person, true Love is a cherished state to which he subconsciously strives. We write about it, we sing, we speak, we breathe it. But we can't love. Get rid of fears to learn. And be happy.

Listen to what Julia has to say about how her relationship with her husband changed when she learned to love and not demand love for herself:

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology» no 05.10.2012

It happens that completely different feelings are mistaken for love. For example, the belief “without this person is not life, but existence” or “I am drawn to him”, no matter how touching it may sound, has nothing to do with love.

Sometimes people mistake for love certain needs or desires associated with another person. After all, would any of us refuse tenderness, care, attention or a sense of security? We ourselves cannot give ourselves such feelings. Someone outsider will be able to admire and appreciate, love and respect, pay attention and care. Love gives a chance to experience almost all of the benefits listed. That is why it is so necessary for everyone, so much so that it is an insistent goal of all life. Although even without love it is quite possible to satisfy some of the listed desires.

If you think that it is impossible to live without a person close to you, first figure out what exactly this “I can’t” is expressed in. It is possible that it is useful to you from a financial point of view, or maybe it gives you a cozy feeling of security. This is not love, this is just the satisfaction of needs.

The main determining factor for this great feeling is the ability to feel the happiness of a loved one and the desire to make this happiness even more complete.

In other words, love is the ability to deliver positive emotions another person, as well as the ability to experience deep satisfaction from the very fact - "I am loved." It is important that all this is mutual.

Doubt tormented, does the chosen one love you? Consider the questions: “Does he enjoy doing something nice for me? How often does he strive for this? If you do not find answers to these questions, alas, you call something else love.

It turns out that in order to be able to love someone, you need to know his tastes and desires, preferences and aspirations. Try to get to know each other, open yourself to your soul mate. Sometimes we make the mistake of believing that our values ​​and desires are the same with our loved one. In love, it is important not to kill the explorer in yourself who is trying to open the secrets of the soul of another. And your soul should not be closed from your companion's attempt to know it. Without the desire to entrust the most secret, a real feeling cannot exist.

“I love him because he is strong and smart,” we sometimes hear such revelations. In the definition of non-fictional love, there is such a thing as "existential". We love a person not for something specific, but, on the contrary, in spite of everything. And it is impossible to give an intelligible answer to the questions “why?” or "why?", which deal with the causes of love.

It is important to keep the feeling whole, even though it is not easy. Accept your soulmate with all her shortcomings, loving them too, expect from her side exactly the same attitude towards you. Never build a family hearth by calculation. It's like a bargain that suits your personal needs well. A cold consumer's look at feelings will not make them truly warm, consecrated with trust.

Cultivate in your union the main cementing force - sincerity. After all, there are situations when a person prefers to cheat in order to achieve the desired result, thereby deceiving the trust of a partner. Sooner or later, this approach will gradually corrode the feelings. You can not manipulate a person, especially a loved one.

Know how to talk if something disturbing has appeared in your relationship. Decide together what it is, why it is so - and half of the victory over the invisible enemy has already been received. Tell your loved one about your expectations. What I would like more, what doubts torment. Know how to listen to explanations at the expense of your claims. Do not hide your joy and pleasure from small gifts or signs of attention, thank you for your advice and care. Do not try to say something like this: “Well, finally, I thought of it!”, “May it always be like this” and so on.

In all respects there are certain patterns. It is worth remembering them and not being upset that your feelings are going through changes, are being tested for strength. It is just at the beginning that a married couple feels like a single being - with common desires and impulses. Time changes lovers. And it is already becoming important to preserve one's own "I", to be able to defend personal interests. The couple may want to live separately to sort out this new relationship. Such a period is very dangerous for betrayals, when a person just wants to check himself: what will happen to the other (or the other)? And if the relationship has passed the strength test, it begins new stage in the life of a family, when the spouses understand why they should be together, what they want to achieve through joint efforts. They become a team.

No need to succumb to difficulties. At first, lovers think that their feelings are so omnipotent that they can protect a young family from all life's adversities. But problems arise, people begin to doubt the authenticity of feelings. We must remember that life's troubles are inevitable. And it is quite normal for their occurrence in the most different areas life together: whether it be domestic misunderstandings, problems based on sex or financial difficulties. You just need to decide for yourself that if such problems are inevitable in any, even the strongest family, they should be solved by joint efforts, and not persistently looking for the culprit in their occurrence.

Feelings cannot be labeled according to a template. Love is different for everyone, but love has its own defining features.

So, 4 components of a genuine feeling

True love is real. And even scientific confirmation of this fact already exists. Stone Book University is based in New York. Its employees set out to prove that love has no statute of limitations. The participants in the experiment were families that were recently created, as well as those that celebrated the 20th anniversary of their life together. The subject of the study was the brain processes recorded using a magnetic resonance imaging scanner. The results were encouraging: every tenth couple with experience showed similar results of tomography with young spouses, that is, their feelings were just as fresh. The conclusion suggests itself that a married couple can keep feelings unchanged even after many years of marriage. After analyzing brain activity, the experiment confirmed this. As experts point out, when one of the elderly couple saw a photograph of the other, the chemical reactions that occur in the cerebral cortex were no different from those noted on early stages love. While other data claimed that a little over a year family life lead to the fact that those processes that are responsible for the feeling of falling in love begin to fade, disappearing after about ten years of the couple's life together. It is gratifying that not everything can be explained in terms of science. After all, true love is not afraid of time, it lives in spite of everything.

What signs, according to experts, should be considered the birth of strong and strong love?

First, sincere communication. It's not even about baring the soul. After all, you can’t be too frank with a practically unfamiliar person. No, here, first of all, we mean the ease of communication, the desire to make contact. And the response, which is quite natural in such a situation. And it can take more than a dozen days to dare to open your soul to another person. If from the first minutes of communication you cannot talk enough with each other, this already says a lot.

Second, there is intimacy. She plays an important role in human relations, it cannot be replaced by draft signs at a distance. You like someone at a party, you should not make eyes, smiling mysteriously, it is better to come up and stand next to you.

Third, reciprocity. In psychology, the concept of "resonance" is used. The feelings of one person awaken exactly the same thrill in another. In other words: our confidence that someone likes us is growing, and we begin to like this subject to the same extent. The emotional level significantly brings together.

Fourth, common interests. Subconsciously, we try to join a certain circle of people who share our hobbies. Instinctively, people from this circle attract us more strongly than others. During dating, the same mechanism begins to work. Unconsciously, a person is looking for a partner who would have as many more common features in character, affections, hobbies. The more similar interests two people have, the greater the chance of a strong mutual attraction.

Comments

milagros

19:46 27.09.2013

I love my young man, and I always loved, but he used it, the guy leaves and comes, and then leaves again, and I suffer, I'm afraid that one day he will leave forever. I was already desperate, but I finally got hope. Two weeks later I got the real result, my came and says that he understood how he loves me, only me, I'm shocked, and he opens the box in which the ring was and says: "Will you be my wife?" I stood, and as I scream, "Yes!" We recently got married, everything is fine now ...

Comment edited because it contained a link to a suspicious site.

10:24 27.04.2015

Once upon a time I was in love with one guy and ran after him. He made fun of me and made fun of me, he did not like me. Then, when it seemed to me that there was no chance, I stopped running after him. After a while I got married, I felt sorry for him and wanted to make him happy, but nothing happened, we got divorced, I didn’t want to, I was very scared to be left alone. After a short time, I fell in love, it seemed that he was the one and I tried not to notice him without delivery. We very quickly began to live together and at first I wanted to marry him and we talked about the wedding, but over time this desire began to weaken. I got pregnant, we really wanted a child, because in my first marriage I had a miscarriage, I went away for a whole year and he was diagnosed with infertility. We got married, our relationship only got worse, he was very fond of playing on the computer, and I never saw this car. When a child was born, I realized that I had given birth to him for myself, I was tired of quarrels and frequent scandals and I stopped paying attention to him and what he was doing, stopped asking for his help. She herself didn’t notice how she began to grow cold towards him, when we quarrel, he always talks about a divorce, I used to stop him, but now it’s almost all the same. For some reason, I stopped wanting him to kiss me on the lips and I always turn my cheek to him. Somehow I had to go to my city, because I moved to my husband in another city. And in 2013, the same guy who I really liked began to write, and we very rarely communicated with him in a friendly way. social networks . I arrived in my city, the day before I quarreled with my husband, he sent me and then we reconciled, I often forgive him even the most heinous insults. It seems to me that he behaves this way because he wants to attract my attention but does not know how he is still a child. Somehow, while talking with that guy, I mentioned that I had come to the city, he offered to meet, at first I tried to understand why? I used to be not very beautiful, but over time I got prettier and I used to be obsessed with religion, but now I’m fine with this, before it was difficult to talk with me about anything other than religion. And I thought that he just wants to compare and agreed to a meeting, left the baby with a friend and went to a cafe there, I sold it for 2 hours, considering that I was limited in time. I called him and he said that his car broke down that he ordered a taxi, they arrived only half an hour later and then he got stuck in a traffic jam. It seemed to me that he was sitting at home and laughing at me! My patience snapped and I said that I was waiting for another 10 minutes and I was leaving, I paid off in a cafe and was about to leave and he came! We talked, but time was running out and I had to go, it seemed to me that he liked me. We corresponded all night about me about him about life and he invited me to meet tomorrow first in a cafe and then to his house. I thought if he fell in love, then it would be possible to mock, they say, look what he lost! My husband did not want to call me, and I did not want him. I went to visit him, but talking to one, I realized that I also fell in love or those feelings just didn’t go away and were hidden?! We didn't sleep together, we just talked all night and kissed, the baby was with us. At this time, the husband decided to change to communicate with friends and not sit at the computer to play only on the tablet. We met with him one more time and realizing that we cannot be together because he is studying to become a priest, no one will allow him to marry me. I wanted to leave as soon as possible before it was too late but the baby got sick and we were put in the hospital, he came 2 times. This was a closed department, the husband continued to sort things out. We were discharged a week later, my husband was angry with me that I went for a week and got stuck for two. I saw him two more times before Easter, we rode, kissed, hugged and understood that we had to part because everyone is against our relationship and his dream is to become a priest, we agreed that we would write a report to each other every seven days asking for a feeling or not, because I myself don’t I can understand love or passion? I offered to celebrate Easter together, he said that if I stay, he will take the documents from the seminary and marry me, I could not stay to kill his dream. Would you be able to do that, kill the dream? The next day I called and my husband arrived, I told him everything, he said that he would do everything so that I could be with him. My husband and I went home, he needed sex, and at first I gave him this by force myself, jumping on him trying to forget the other. But our relationship with my husband did not get better, on the contrary, he is hysterical, although he constantly began to help me with the child, we quarrel and I don’t care, I’m trying to get away from it. But my husband is trying to bring me to the irony in every possible way insulting. With whom I fell in love, I write to him at first, we often corresponded, but when I said in a fit that I would not write, he began to answer and write less often. And I write to him about some important or joyful events, he writes that he doesn’t ignore it, but it’s better for me, but it’s better for me if I write to him at least a little, even if he doesn’t answer. Everything has become more difficult with my husband, I can no longer sleep with him and excuses cannot be found all the time. Tell me where is love and where is passion.

17:45 16.09.2016

How can we understand what love is?
Outbursts of passion intoxication
When there are not enough words
All these people are deluded.
Love lives in our hearts
She is the power of light and good
Only he can know it
Who does not harbor evil in his heart,
Who is unable to betray
And always forgive your neighbor
Who endures and knows how to wait
Doesn't hold grudges.
So people know that love
There is a force of truth of light and goodness
And you don't need words to love
Love is given to us by God.

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It is human nature to seek love and close relationships, and in the process of searching to make mistakes. Everyone can “boast” of damaged relationships, missed opportunities and ridiculous misses in love. You can often hear the expressions “sick love”, “wrong love”, “I love, but not the way I should” and other word forms confirming that love can be different. Many loudly declare that they are waiting for true love, not suspecting what this means. This kind of love doesn't need any special moment, magic rituals will not help to summon her, she does not need to be conquered or held. What is true love and how can a person know it?

Where does love grow legs

First of all, you need to understand that there is love, which many confuse with love. Contrary to popular belief, love does not always quickly disappear or weaken. People can be passionately in love with each other for many years, and it is these feelings that they themselves and those around them mistakenly perceive as love. True love can grow out of falling in love, or maybe out of friendship. In both cases, it will take a lot of effort to transform familiar feelings into something more than human nature itself.

Desire to possess

If there is a desire to possess the object of love, this is a sure sign of falling in love, and not true love. True love knows no limits, makes no demands, makes no plans. It does not extend into the past and the future, such love lives "here and now." What does it mean? If you truly love a person, you will never want him to change for you and never accuse him of becoming different. Simply by seeing your loved one for who they are, and feeling grateful for the fact that you had a chance to experience boundless, all-encompassing love, you get the highest happiness, not poisoned by jealousy, anger and unfulfilled expectations.

Only unconditional love can be called true. When you place imaginary expectations on a person, you will inevitably be disappointed, because you fell in love not with him, but with your own fantasy. In modern society, people seek to secure their future by entering into official marriages. Marriage has never been, and will never be, synonymous with love, it is the product of human fear of the unknown, bureaucratic authorities and the wedding industry. You don't have to get married to love. A person who knows true love will never want to put it in the framework of officialdom and burden it with promises that this is forever. Two people capable of unconditional love, meet and go on an exciting journey that can last a lifetime or several months - it doesn't matter. Their parting will never be gloomy, with a touch of bitterness, just everyone will continue their way.

Of course, true love is a rarity. It happens that out of two people, one is capable of it, and the other is not. Such relationships are doomed to fail. How to become such a person, how to find true love? First of all, you need to change your consciousness and worldview:

Treat every person as perfect in their essence, never try to change anyone - either in deed or in thought. This is a lesson in acceptance. Do not limit other people in anything - even if you do not understand their actions, do not share their views, let them do what they want. This will teach you not to create frames. Always let go of those who want to leave - children, loved ones, friends. True love never keeps a partner in a clenched fist - his desire will inevitably break out. But on your open palm he will come by himself. Let the boundless love for the world and for all who live in it, be born in your heart. Cultivate it through meditation, thoughts and actions. Be open to everything new, unknown, unusual. Try to dissolve stereotypes and established patterns of behavior, and do not create new ones. Then you can recognize and accept true love when it enters your life.

12.09.2013 Tatiana Kaushanskaya 75 comments

What is true love? - continuation of the theme of attachment.

Last time we discussed how to get rid of attachment to a person. But the theme of attachment does not end with the issue of attachment.

Until you find a natural way to get high in life, you will look for artificial ways to get high.

Love is a very complex concept. There is a lot of confusion when we try to understand the nature of love. The mystery of love only adds to this confusion.

One of my favorite writers, psychotherapist Scott Peck, in his book The Road Less Traveled. New psychology of love, traditional values ​​and spiritual development” gives the following definition of love.

Love is the Will to expand one's own Self in order to nourish one's own or someone else's spiritual development.

The world is arranged in such a way that we cannot love another person if we do not love ourselves. Just as we cannot teach our children self-discipline if we do not know how to discipline ourselves.

Peck believes that much suffering could be avoided by teaching people to more accurately define love. This would greatly reduce a lot of common misconceptions.

Among all the misconceptions, the most common idea is that falling in love is one of the manifestations of love. Such a delusion is present, because falling in love is subjectively experienced as vividly as love.

However, two problems immediately arise:

Firstly falling in love is a sexually oriented erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children, although we may love them very much. We only fall in love when it's sexually motivated. It doesn't matter if you realize it or not.

Secondly, the experience of falling in love is always short-lived. Even if we continue to love a person, falling in love - an ecstatic, stormy feeling - always passes.

The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is that for some time the boundaries of the Ego are collapsing, and we can “merge” with the personality of another person. The sudden liberation of oneself from oneself, the destruction of the boundaries of one's ego, this is a dramatic cessation of loneliness. All this is experienced by most people as ecstasy.

But this is a temporary state. Sooner or later, under the onslaught of daily problems, a person asserts himself. He wants sex, she doesn't. She wants to go to the cinema, he doesn't like it. Each of them, in the depths of his soul, begins to comprehend with pain that the beloved has his own personal desires, tastes, habits.

Ego boundaries are gradually restored. And then either the destruction of all connecting threads begins, or the long work of true Love.

And here it is important to note that the roots of true love are not in a state of being in love.

How often it happens that we fall in love with a person with whom we have little in common; or from which there is no reciprocity or we are not the most better opinion about him? We can choose how to respond to the state of being in love, but we are not given the choice of this state itself.

Think about it. Why is this happening?

Real love is an experience of continuous self-expansion, or in other words, spiritual development.

Love- this is not an expansion of our borders and limits, this is only a partial and temporary destruction of them. Falling in love has little in common with conscious and purposeful spiritual development.

After the moment of falling in love passes, and the boundaries of the personality are restored, it is then that a person begins to get rid of illusions.

And that is why we are given the experience of falling in love.

As we let go of illusions, we simultaneously begin to search for this state of ecstasy that we have experienced. We wonder what it is with us was?

I agree with Peck. In my opinion, true love is closely related to spirituality. One can compare the stages of love of a low consciousness and the consciousness of a spiritually developed person.

Stages of "love" of the lower consciousness:
Falling in love, attraction, passion, jealousy, psychological dependence, suffering.

Stages of High Consciousness Love:
Falling in love, Love, caring for each other, mutual support and spiritual development.

Why do I always and everywhere talk about spiritual development? Because the answers to all my questions in life I found in spiritual development.

Real love is a special state of mind. It does not depend on anything or anyone in life. If a person is in a state of Love, he experiences a state of ecstasy every minute.

And then all questions disappear:

1. Will this feeling come back?

Answer.

2. What happens if I never experience this feeling again?

Answer. If you develop spiritually, you will live in this feeling.

3. Is there any chance to find a person to whom I will feel the same way?

Answer. There is no point in looking for a person. We did not look for all the events of our life. They happened to us. How? I dont know. But somehow, exactly those events that we are waiting for, and most importantly, for which we are ready at this particular moment of life, always come to us.

4. What if I don't feel exactly the same way about my partner?

Answer. You can develop love for your partner. Especially if you consider him a worthy person. Stop remembering your crush and start working on your relationship. Relationships don't develop on their own. It is only love itself that appears, develops itself and eventually leaves behind a residue.

The main thing to remember here is that Love for a partner will begin to grow only when love for oneself becomes stronger. When you do not need to look for the buzz in life, when you find your buzz in life. And here we again run into spiritual development.

We cannot love another person if we do not feel Love within ourselves. Without love within ourselves, we can only fall in love, and then suffer from dependence or possession, as well as jealous or reproach.

5. If what I felt for this person is love, then it turns out that what I feel for my partner is not love? Is it worth it to change a partner if it's not love?

Each person has their own definition of this feeling. Someone is convinced that love is the ability to give one's life for a dear person, in his understanding, this is a desire and desire to make the other half happy. There can be many such definitions, and, for sure, we are all right in our own way, putting something of our own into the concept of what true love is.

What is love from a spiritual and material point of view

Explanation of love in terms of biochemistry

Biochemists do not deny that love can be called one of the most complex feelings, and fully explain it using any scientific model, is simply impossible. And yet, a number of studies help to see what exactly happens to a person during this period.

Scientists consider this concept as a complex process of imprinting, which is based on the interaction of psychological experience, the influence of hormones, and genetic factors. As a result, everyone has some internal guidelines that operate at the subconscious level - they immediately determine the right partner. This orientation matrix is ​​also called a love map.

As you know, various biochemical stimuli can activate a romantic reaction. According to scientists, pheromones can have a noticeable effect on this process. These are the odors that come from sexual attraction. Note that in the sweat of men, there is a chemical substance called androstenol - it is this that attracts certain women. In turn, the composition of female vaginal secretion includes substances called copulins. Some time ago there were even control experiments that encouraged men to inhale this substance! As a result, it turned out that copulins can increase the sexual attractiveness of a woman.

When the attraction stage begins, the brain is affected by phenylethylamine, which is similar in effect to amphetamines and other euphoric drugs. This process captivates people, excitingly acting on them. And yet, it is important to note that the impact sometimes weakens gradually, and then the search for a new partner may begin - thus, a person seeks to survive the old euphoria.

Explanation of love in terms of spirituality

Of course, Christianity also has its own opinion on this matter. This word characterizes various states, and which ones - depends on the worldview of a person. His purity of heart, personal "life feat" is taken into account. First of all, from the point of view of spirituality, love is expressed in the ability to sacrifice, and learning to sacrifice is very difficult. It is believed that such qualities as selfishness, pride, self-love, which close the heart in a circle of concern only for their own good, their own benefit, are opposed to this. If a person is not capable of sacrifice for the sake of another in great deeds and Everyday life then love is out of the question. In this case, striving for our own happiness, in the end we do not achieve it, remaining alone - dissatisfaction will remain, even if we managed to know many earthly pleasures.

There is an opinion that spiritual man has a sharp mind, a developed sense of aesthetics, extensive knowledge and a wonderful upbringing. However, according to Orthodoxy, without love in the heart, all these qualities are insignificant.

Definition of love in your own words, concise and clear

In short, and summing up all the arguments of biochemists and representatives of Orthodoxy, we can say that true love is the desire to take care of another person and make him happy. At the same time, desire must invariably turn into action.

What does love mean in a person's life

Many are convinced that only love can give meaning to life, and, of course, it is almost impossible to argue with this. Often, through the whole life of a person, one way or another, love passes. First, we have this strong feeling for parents or educators, then for friends, then the “first love” comes to a representative (representative) of the opposite sex, to children, to the Motherland, to life, to nature, to God, to humanity and so on. In this case, the sequence may be different, but be that as it may, one cannot do without love. Someone believes that this gift helps to reach peaks in life, but there are also people who are convinced that because of it they have lost something important and necessary in their lives - everyone, of course, has their own story and their own truth.

Be that as it may, but without love, a person morally dies. If he had to grow up in anger, then he himself ends up embittered at all those around him, as if wanting to avenge their suffering. Without carrying love in the heart, a person does not know compassion and does not know what forgiveness is - as a result, he often feels emptiness in himself, not even fully realizing where it came from.

Meanwhile, love gives us the opportunity to find in life all the blessings necessary for complete happiness - harmony, understanding, trust, respect, compassion. A person who loves and is loved receives a powerful incentive for growth - spiritual, career, and so on. He learns to set clear goals and has the strength to achieve them. One day, many of us come to the conclusion that when love is in the first place, other values ​​and goods also take their own places.

Why do we fall in love with some and ignore others

(often more profitable and attractive partners)

Surely, you know the expression "stepping on the same rake." Often it is used when some stories are heard from personal life. Many men and women choose partners who are in many ways similar to their previous passions, and often do not even realize this. Why is this happening?

There are three reasons for this phenomenon:

1) Ideal in the subconscious. From a young age, the image of an ideal partner appears in the subconscious of many men. It can be formed under the influence of many factors - the mother, the heroine of the film, an attractive and kind neighbor, and so on. Years will pass, and a man may not even remember why he is in awe, for example, brunettes and girls with green eyes. Of course, the ideal is made up of several characteristics, which do not have to be "perfect" in the conventional sense. As soon as a young man nevertheless meets a girl who has at least some qualities that he idealizes in his subconscious, he begins to have strong feelings for her. Moreover, sometimes such meetings are perceived by a man as a gift of fate, an amazing coincidence or a dream that suddenly came true. In reality, such acquaintances have nothing to do with a miracle - this is the result of a subconscious search for an ideal partner.

2) Narcissism. Oddly enough, narcissism also sometimes plays a role in finding the perfect partner. Probably, you have heard more than once how some guy says about his beloved: “We are so similar!”, “She has the same tastes in food as I do”, “We have the same sense of humor, we understand each other from a half-word”, “She also had problems with her parents as a child.” Considering ourselves to be something ideal or infringed, we see these features in other people, considering them close to ourselves in spirit. Since a person often loves himself, he is ready to extend this feeling to the one in whom he sees his reflection to one degree or another.

3) Oedipus complex. There is an opinion that almost every man carries an Oedipus complex in himself - this can be expressed quite clearly or weakly. What is meant? Like it or not, if a boy grows up with his mother, then she unwittingly becomes the first woman for whom he begins to have strong feelings. Yes, they have certain differences from the feelings that he will later experience for a peer, but still they are very strong and leave a certain imprint. To many boys, their mother seems to be “the most beautiful in the world,” “the smartest,” and so on. Subconsciously, this attitude may remain. As a result, from youth, a young man will pay attention to girls who have some resemblance to his mother. It can be a character trait, hair color, manner of speaking, domesticity, and much more.

The opposite situation may also occur. If a man had a difficult relationship with his mother, and he cannot remember some moments from childhood without a shudder, then he will probably look for a partner who will have as little as possible in common with his parent.

How to understand if you love a person or not

Consider the signs of love that arise directly from a man to a woman.

Signs of true love

sexual attraction

If you experience a strong sexual attraction to a certain person, then it is possible that the matter is not limited to this, and you are truly in love. Probably, many people know the stories when, after many years of marriage, the feelings of the spouses fade away, and this leads to the fact that they stop “wanting” each other. If there is attraction, then there is a place for love - of course, the first can be without the second, but the love of a man for a woman without sexual desire is rare.

soul contact

As we have already mentioned, sexual desire can be one of the signs of love, but a much more serious indicator is the tendency to spiritual contact with a person. You want to be in the company of a certain girl, to know what opinion she has on this or that account. This can manifest itself both in real meetings and in virtual communication, phone calls. If you feel the need to communicate with a certain girl, then this clearly indicates that she is not indifferent to you.

Inner space

Many men do their best to limit their inner space to certain limits, strive for some kind of freedom. If someone begins to encroach on the boundaries erected by him, the man reacts quite painfully and sharply, however, if you feel that you do not want to hide anything from this girl, but on the contrary, you even want her to become the main part of your personal life, then, chances are you're in love.

sacrifice

One of the most pronounced signs of true love. If you feel that for the sake of your chosen one you are able to change your established habits, forget about some old hobbies, then this says a lot - it means that you are ready to make certain sacrifices, but this, of course, does not happen from scratch.

reverent attitude

You may not care at all about what others think of you, what impression you make, what effect some of your words and actions have. However, all this does not apply to a particular girl. Her opinion is important to you, you do not want to offend her, and it hurts you to realize that by some action you could offend the chosen one. Of course, if the peace of mind and balance of a certain woman is important to you, then this is a sign of your love for her.

Care

When we love, we unwittingly strive to improve life and care for our beloved in all respects. This can be expressed in small things (the desire to bring coffee in bed), and in more global appearances (buy her winter boots). The male, loving woman, partly treats her like his own child - it is natural for him to take care of her, including material.

Symptoms of love

If you love a woman, then this is determined by some "symptoms". You often think about her, scroll through your dialogue in your head, dream of a meeting, want to learn about her as much as possible, strive to be in her company often, want to do something nice for her.

Sometimes, it is very difficult to distinguish between these two feelings, since their external manifestations are very similar. And yet, there are also important differences. So, falling in love can flare up after the first meeting, while true love takes time to develop. As a result, falling in love can last for a very short time (maximum 3 years), while true love only strengthens over the years and is not subject to time.

It is worth recognizing that love, like falling in love, causes a desire to possess the object of one's feelings, to communicate with him. However, we note that an individual in love, first of all, longs to receive pleasure and pleasure from contact with a loved one, while loving person, nevertheless, is more aimed at becoming a source of happiness for a beloved person, even if he is not ready to give anything in return. Simply put, love tends to receive, and love tends to give. That is why falling in love can be called quite a common thing, but far from all people are capable of sincere love. If you are capable of self-sacrifice for the sake of your soul mate, then the feeling of love is certainly familiar to you.

A man in love idealizes a partner, and when it turns out that he is not as perfect as expected, it begins to annoy and repel. For a lover, everything happens differently - he initially sees everything negative sides object of love, and accepts them.

If a person loves, then he does not require bestowal. Not reciprocity is unable to awaken in him hatred, anger and other negative feelings. If reciprocity cannot be achieved by a person in love, then he begins to experience a range of negative feelings for the chosen one.

What is the difference between love and affection

It happens that people no longer feel love for each other, they begin to “look” at other possible partners, but at the same time they do not part. They explain their union simply - they love each other, but now they are having a difficult period. Of course, this happens, but most often the fact is that love has long given way to affection. How to define it?

To begin with, let's try to formulate these terms. Love can be called an unconditional feeling for a person, which excludes pronounced negative emotions and motives. A loving person sincerely wishes happiness to her chosen one. In turn, affection is called a conditional feeling for a neighbor, who is also quite familiar with negative emotions: fear of loss, dependence, heightened jealousy, exactingness.

Many psychologists have their own way to determine whether a person loves or is attached. So, we suggest using this method. Imagine that you and your partner broke up a long time ago, and today you just remember the time when you were together. What memories pop up first, what emotions do you feel from the presence of this person in your life in the first place? Joy or dissatisfaction with something, dissatisfaction with something?

How else can you tell true love from attachment? It has been noticed that a person in love is quite active, and his main goal is to give to his beloved, to take care of his happiness, even if it brings him discomfort. In turn, attachment can be accompanied by aggression and a heightened sense of ownership.

How to know if a girl loves you

By several very clear signs, you can easily determine what emotions a girl feels for you, whether she loves you.

She takes care of you

This can be expressed both in small things and in more serious manifestations. It is important for her that you are warm, that you are not hungry, and the like. She is ready to take care of you when you are sick and so on. You can also mention the concern for your psychological peace. She tries not to upset you with bad news or “load” you with her problems once again.

She wants to spend time with you

The girl enthusiastically responds to your proposals to meet, and may even cancel some plans if she had them even before your invitation. She also periodically initiates dates herself. If you live together, she tries to be with you more often, even if you are busy with some business and cannot pay attention to her now. In general, it is important for her to be around you as often as possible.

Interest

She shows interest in your life, in your thoughts, in your daily routine. Simply put, she wants to know as much as possible about you - what you like, what you don't like, how you like to spend your time, what you think about this or that, and so on.

Jealousy

Sometimes, jealousy is one of the signs that a girl is in love with you. She cares about who you hang out with and spend time with, she wants to be the only girl you take seriously. Although, of course, in this situation we can talk about the girl-owner.

sacrifice

She is ready to make certain sacrifices for you. It can be some kind of concessions, changing your habits, changing your social circle, moving to another city, and much more. For the sake of you, she is ready to make a sacrifice, and considers this quite natural.

surprises

A girl who has loving feelings for her chosen one wants to please and surprise him. As you know, this can be done with the help of gifts and surprises, and loving girl she will be happy to use this method - she does not mind spending time decorating a certain surprise or a certain amount of money to please you with some interesting gift.

Outgoing

A girl who loves strives for everything to be fine in a relationship with a partner, if you are in a quarrel, this upsets her, and she takes the initiative to reconcile. Even if you are wrong, she tries to understand you, to call you into conversation. If there is no serious love on the part of the girl, then she is unlikely to take the first step towards reconciliation.

touch

When a girl does not feel for a partner strong love, or her feelings begin to fade, she loses her need for tactile contact - she does not strive to hug you, kiss, touch you as often as possible. Moreover, sometimes she can be removed if you initiate such signs of attention. A girl in love, of course, reverently reacts to the touch of her beloved, and she herself tries to touch him more often.