How to become a good mother for a child. What does it mean to be a good mom? Have more family nights

Young parents can only mentally imagine how the life of their first child will proceed during the first weeks after birth. The result of uncertainty is increasing tension and doubts that parents will cope with their new role. Every mother (and wife) wants the child to be healthy and well-fed, and the mother has some strength left, and the spouse is not deprived of affection, and there would be order at home. Is it realistic to bring it to life? Of course, it is real, but only if you thoroughly and correctly prepare in advance for the upcoming changes in life.

This article contains recommendations for new mothers regarding the last 2 months of pregnancy and one and a half months of life after childbirth.
First you need to decide what we want to achieve by two to three months after childbirth. Let's formulate the requirements for mom. Against the background of general calmness and balance, a mother can skillfully and properly care for a child, clearly understanding what exactly he wants at that moment. With a child in her arms, the mother effectively performs the necessary household chores. There is enough time left to deliciously feed your spouse, chat with him, and just be together. It’s good if you can spend time on expanding your own inner world.

Now let's think about what we will expect from a child by this age. The child is happy, does not cry, very well fed. There are no allergic reactions, intestinal dysbacteriosis and stabbing pains in the abdomen. The baby has enough maternal care, he spends a lot of time in his arms, looking at what his mother is doing. Feeding only breastfeeding, falling asleep and waking up occur without whims, benevolently.
What do we want from our husband? Dad works tirelessly to provide the family with everything they need. He goes home after work with joy, because he knows that he will not be harnessed from the threshold to bathe a child, or to lisp with a screaming brainchild. Arriving home, he will see his wife in a normal, even mood, a calm baby. During the night he will sleep well, because. Breastfeeding and potty-training are very quiet and peaceful.

In general, all mommy tactics can be divided into 3 main stages:
1. Prenatal period
2. The period of childbirth
3. Postpartum period (40 days)

Let's talk about the necessary actions in the prenatal period.
1. To begin with, some knowledge base is needed regarding the needs of a newborn baby and how to properly meet them. It is also necessary to have information about the patterns of growth and development of your baby. A mother must specifically answer for herself many questions regarding child care, for example: a mother decides that the child will definitely receive only one hundred percent breastfeeding, there will only be joint sleep with the baby, the mother will only allow diapers to be used during walks. Preparatory classes should contain information not only about the process of childbirth itself, but also about the future stay of the mother and child together. Beware of courses that only give evasive advice.
2. Proper preparation of the apartment. Since the bed will not only be a resting place for mother and child, but also the main place in general for the whole life of the baby in the early stages, and the father will also join the family, you need to pay attention to the equipment of the bed Special attention. The bed should be no narrower than 1.6 m, the mattress should be even and comfortable. The changing table is located on the side of the bed or sofa where the mother sleeps. Chests of drawers and other ordinary furniture are usually not suitable for this purpose. A table with a lid measuring at least 0.8x1.0 m is suitable. A supply of diapers and a first-aid kit are stored on the side of the table. If the diaper is small, you need to organize shelves with everything you need next to it.
3. A complete set of care items. It is customary to buy everything you need to care for your baby during pregnancy. Previously, even my mother did it away from prying eyes. Within 40 days after birth, all your attention will be given to a newborn baby, so everything you need to care for him should be as prepared as possible (purchased, stroked and beautifully folded).

Now let's talk about the necessary care items in more detail:
? Cotton diapers measuring 90 by 120 cm, as well as 120 by 100 cm. They need about 15-20. Flannel diapers of the same size for 10 pieces. Smaller diapers don't fit, so don't even try to stock them. It is better to choose light-colored diapers with a calm, fine pattern, so that molting from frequent washings is not so conspicuous.
? Cloth diapers. Here the costs are minimal. We take the old bed sheets or soft chintz fabric and tear it into squares measuring 80 by 80, 90 by 90, 100 by 100 cm. The fabric needs to be torn so that the edges do not crumble, we look so that there are no seams. This is necessary so as not to damage the delicate skin of the baby.
? Caps of two types: insulated and light, one of each type.
? Lightweight and insulated undershirts, 5 of each type. The seams should look out.
? The pillow should be filled with natural materials, have a height of about 4-5 cm. You need 2 pillows: 25 by 25 cm and 20 by 30 cm.
? Oilcloths should be at least 70 by 100 cm in size. Oilcloths should be chosen more expensive, allowing air to pass through. You will also need 4 oilcloths measuring 30 by 40 cm, ordinary.
? A basin in which you will plant the child so that he goes to the toilet. It should fit freely under the bed and be fairly large. It is recommended to choose a pelvis light shades gray color or white.
? Sling. The sling significantly increases the mobility of the mother, because. and the child is on the mother, and her hand is not occupied. Thus, it is much more convenient to make purchases, take care of the housework, walk. The sling can be used from 14 days of age to 1.5 years, if desired. For starters, you can purchase a sling with rings. The diameter of the rings should be 60-80 mm, depending on the thickness of the fabric, the rings should be welded. The material of the sling should not be synthetic, the sides are small. Well, if there is a pillow on the shoulder.
? Rompers and diapers are necessary for walking. Purchase them as needed.

Bath accessories.
During the first 3 months of life, we use the grandmother's way of bathing the child. To do this, we put the baby in a diaper, pour infusions of herbs into the bath, and the child calmly falls asleep while bathing.
What do you need:
1. The bath is not shorter than 0.7 m, the bottom is even.
2. Long large towel no narrower than 0.8 m
3. Stock of herbs:
? 4 packs of herb succession
? 2 packs of chamomile
? 1 pack of oak bark
? 1 package of mint for a girl or St. John's wort for a boy
? 1 pack of hops
? 1 pack motherwort
? 1 pack bearberry
4. A small plastic bucket for pumping a child.

The composition of the first aid kit. The first aid kit should contain eucalyptus tincture, hydrogen peroxide solution, a couple of pipettes for treating the umbilical opening, fucorcin for rashes, zinc paste to combat diaper rash, baby cream for intimate places, cotton pads, manicure scissors. For a first aid kit, you can adapt plastic packaging, for example, from ice cream.

What is better to feed.

For the convenience of feeding, you can buy special sweaters of such a cut that allows you to freely and quickly get your breasts. You can get by with simple T-shirts and sweaters - save 4 things. You can stock up on shorts or short pants.
Don't waste extra money.

Some items may not be used by you, for example, a milk pump, a sterilization device, spinning toys with music, a baby stroller, walkers and jumpers, a kangaroo, a pacifier, and even a crib. It is best to have these things in mind and buy them at the right time. It will be a shame if you spend a lot of money on all this and never use it. At the age of up to 40 days, the child needs not elegant, but comfortable and useful things. Outfits can be purchased by the age of three months, but for now it’s better to just dream up on this topic. Anyway, you do not know whether the child will be plump or thin, so it is not practical to make supplies of this kind. Well, the material base is ready, now we turn to the organization of household chores.

During the first 6 weeks, it is impossible to fully take care of the child, cook dinner for everyone and iron a bunch of clothes. The child will take all the time. During this period, the mother must learn what is called "care for the newborn." If the "training" goes well, there will be time for both the spouse and household chores. The help of relatives is needed here, but other options are possible. Most the best option- to involve the grandmother in household chores. If there is no grandmother, but funds allow, we hire a housekeeper 3 times a week. If it’s really tight, we’ll have to sit on dad’s neck, but in a gentle mode. From food it is better to use frozen products. Within 40 days, you will have to start the degree of cleaning a little, but then catch up. You can buy more diapers to load less laundry.

Childbirth period.

Carefully choose the hospital and the doctor so that later you can deal with the baby, and not recover from a deep injury. It would be optimal to attend childbirth preparation courses.
Now, you have returned from the hospital, what do you need to do?
? Mom's diet is not limited by anything, because she does not get sick, but feeds the baby. Restrictions may end breastfeeding. Of course, you need to pay attention to the presence of preservatives, dye in the products, you should not abuse foreign fruits. Do not be afraid to eat spicy, peppery, pickled, fried and smoked dishes, the main thing is to observe moderation. Nature arranged everything in such a way that mom wants the product that she needs now. In short, everything is possible, but within reasonable limits.
? Water diet. Here, too, the amount of water drunk depends entirely on the needs of the mother. No need to force yourself to drink water to somehow affect lactation. Also, in no case do not limit yourself in water: your body needs it at this stage. The maximum feeling of thirst occurs immediately at the time of feeding, so take care in advance to arrange water bottles in the places where the baby is most often fed.
?Sleeping mode. In order to feel good, you must learn to carve out a couple of hours of sleep during the day. At night, the baby needs to breastfeed almost constantly, so learn to feed in bed. Proper distribution of sleep, rest and wakefulness is essential.
? Learning baby care skills. Here it is best to resort to the help of more experienced mothers. Skill is the ability to translate existing knowledge into practice. Agree what is the use of knowledge about the benefits co-sleeping for mental state child, if you do not know how to organize this dream correctly?

What to learn in the first days after childbirth.
1. Attach the baby to the breast in various positions. During the first 40 days of a child's life, a mother must learn how to properly feed a child not only in a sitting and lying position, but also on the go and standing. If you feed correctly, the risk of developing mastitis, nipple cracks, and hypogalactia is reduced. In addition, you need to learn how to swing.
2. Learning to sleep together.
3. You must learn how to properly take the child in your arms, put him in bed, wear him. The main task is to allow the spine, joints and muscles of the child to develop properly.
4. The child goes to the toilet - we are learning to plant.
5. Learn to bathe, as your grandmother taught (diaper, herbs).
6. Learning to swaddle. In order for the child to be more calm, it is necessary, if possible, to imitate the conditions in which he was in the womb. This goal is served by proper swaddling and bathing.
Unfortunately, how to care for a baby in the early days cannot be learned by watching an educational DVD or by reading instructions. There is also no hope for the mother's instinct, because. affection and love for the child, not teaching, are his purview. In some cities, including Novosibirsk, women began to appear in a new profession: "instructors for teaching mothers." These are women who are more experienced in caring for a newborn.
So, in order to achieve what we listed at the beginning of the article, we need to get information about the development of a newborn and changes in a woman’s body, organize home life, find someone to help with the housework, give birth normally, acquire skills in caring for a newborn.

If there was a caesarean section.
Children born through surgery caesarean section, requires more care and hassle than the rest. Guardianship of his health begins during pregnancy. Decide with your doctor which method of anesthesia will be used for surgery. It is possible to carry out spinal (epidural) anesthesia, the result of which is only the disappearance of sensitivity in the lower half of the body. It is carried out by injecting an anesthetic directly into the region of the spinal cord. This type of anesthesia has less side effects for both participants in the birth process. The advantage is that the mother does not lose consciousness, and she recovers faster after childbirth. The child receives less anesthetic, he receives the breast immediately after birth, which contributes to better milk production and contraction of the muscular layer of the uterus. In addition, it is better for the psyche of mother and child.

Psychologists believe that children who feel maternal care immediately after birth communicate more smoothly with their parents later on. Otherwise, the child will try to achieve the love of his mother in all ways, which can turn into a desire for power, and there is no satisfaction from achieving goals, you always want even more. Epidural anesthesia in this case is for the benefit of the child, and the mother sees the birth of her baby.
Establishing breastfeeding from the very first minutes after birth will allow you to subsequently avoid problems with the pathology of the gastrointestinal tract, neurological problems, strengthens psychomotor development and emotional status. The mere care of a child, looking at him already stimulates education. breast milk. So in the hospital you need to try to recover as much as possible.

How to care for children after a caesarean:
? In some cases, it is necessary to swaddle children longer, start walking later, bathe more often to get used to the new environment.
? Children are more likely to sleep poorly due to nightmares
? Children cannot be put to bed without their mother against their desire, they should only sleep together
? You need long-term breastfeeding, because. often have problems with weight gain
? Needed to improve immunity physical exercises. Remember that massage and exercise are necessary. Even if it will be some kind of “folk” types of massage with jokes.
Psychological support of the child after cesarean.
? Help your child acquire new psychological skills. Psychologists advise changing the environment frequently so that the baby is not afraid of change. You do not need to change your place of residence, just rearrange the crib, alternate different playgrounds, try to diversify the child's diet. Make sure that everything new causes a positive response in the child. In this case, the child will not treat the new as negative.
? Let your child have more opportunities to play constructors, where you can build completely different things from the same parts.
? Role-playing game with parents helps to acquire the child traits that he has not yet developed. You must play the role of a stronger one (gray wolf), and the child of a weaker one (bunnies). Make it difficult for the child's character to get out of the situation that you came up with, so that he needs to work hard to solve the problem you set. The same game of “daughters-mothers” also helps. Let the baby play the role of one of the parents, and let the parents play the children. Let the child try to resolve the disputes that his overgrown children will have, let him try to collect them in a heap when they do not obey.
? Your task is to teach the child during the game to look for a way out of various situations, to think for himself and win. These skills can help him in another, real life, give him self-confidence.

Feel free to praise your child as often as possible. Call him smart more often. Tell him that you love him. The child should not doubt your feelings, make sure that he knows that you love him already for the mere fact that you have him. If it becomes necessary to punish a child or scold him, do it in such a way that even at this moment he has no doubt that you love him. Tell him that he is dear to you, that he is not behaving wrong at the moment.

Be careful not to let your child turn your love and his love for you into a bargaining chip. If the child begins to manage and manipulate the elder, they lose hope and support in his eyes. This means that he ceases to believe that you can protect him in case of danger. This increases the fearfulness and anxiety of a child born by caesarean section.
Finally, I would like to point out that in some cases surgical intervention by type of caesarean section can save the life of both mother and baby. But only if there are clear medical indications for this. Remember that natural childbirth is more physiological and normal. Try to conquer your fears and weakness so that later your child does not have to suffer because of your decision.

It would seem that a woman from birth, intuitively, should know how to become a good mother. After all, this role is intended for her by nature.

And many, indeed, relying primarily on their instincts, know how to behave properly with a child, what to fear, and what not to attach special importance to. But not everyone can become good moms on a whim. Some need a hint.

1. We feed ourselves

No sane mother would voluntarily give up breastfeeding. Even if it threatens with extra pounds and the inability to leave the child for a long time to go about their business. This is understandable: super-adapted modern mixtures cannot compete with breast milk.

It provides the baby with good nutrition, vitamins and trace elements in the best combination, not to mention such an important thing as immune protection. Yes, and it’s much easier for a woman: it’s one thing at night or on a walk, when the baby is hungry, unbutton her bra and give her breasts, rather than jumping out of bed or running home as fast as she can to warm up the water and prepare the mixture (See "") ...

2. We eat rationally

During pregnancy, you are used to certain food restrictions. Alcohol, fried, spicy dishes, pickled foods were removed from the menu without hesitation, and coffee, chocolate, sweets, and cakes were rarely allowed and in small quantities. This means that you have already developed willpower and the habit of healthy food. Now all this is very useful (See "").

During the breastfeeding period, you must be conscious about your diet, especially in the first three months of a baby's life. You already know that at this time almost all boys and some girls have problems with gastrointestinal tract: bloating, colic.

The fact is that a child is born with a sterile intestine, which in the first months, thanks to mother's milk colonized by beneficial microorganisms. The balance between good and pathogenic bacteria is still unstable, so the child often suffers from flatulence and spasmodic pain. During this period, it is important not to aggravate the condition of the baby. Therefore, we continue to monitor nutrition, we use lactic acid products every day, and we postpone everything that can contribute to constipation and gas formation for later.

3. Sleep as soon as possible

For the first few months, few of us can get enough sleep. Even if the baby is in good health, if he does not suffer from intestinal colic, we still experience a lack of sleep. At night, we are awakened by any sound coming from the crib. You have to get up several times to feed the baby.

Therefore, use every minute while he sleeps to take a nap for yourself. Of course, when the child is quiet, I want to take advantage of this moment for myself: read, or watch TV, or talk on the phone ... Not to mention cleaning the apartment or cooking. But it’s better to rest: in this case, the milk will come well, and the nerves will be strong, and what else does the newborn need now!

4. We walk as often as possible

The child should often and for a long time visit fresh air. Thanks to this, he will sleep better and be less naughty. The sun is as useful to him as to any sprout. Yes, it won't hurt you either. Therefore, as soon as they fed the baby, they immediately go for a walk in any weather.

Admire nature, enjoy the silence and movement - all this you need to keep your nerves in order, fight extra pounds, sleep well and look good. And if you feel that you are too tired and have no strength to get ready for a walk, put the stroller on the balcony, leave it open balcony door and go to bed.

5. We wear on our hands

It used to be that if you often take a child in your arms, he will get used to it and will not want to lie quietly in the crib. Nothing like this! I was convinced from my own experience: the baby should be picked up as often as possible, carried in an upright position, hugging him (due to which, by the way, he will start holding his head earlier), show and name the surrounding objects, although it seems that he still doesn’t really know anything. sees and does not understand.

The baby is very closely connected with the mother, and only next to her feels comfortable. And in general, the period of infancy is so fleeting, so carry the baby while he is small. A couple of months will pass, and he will be much more attracted to toys in the crib or playpen. And, by the way, some child psychologists are convinced that if you do not respond to the crying of a child for a long time, do not approach him, his character may deteriorate!

Motherhood is not only taking care of the physical needs of your child, it is a special area of ​​life. A few tips on how to be a good mother to your children are not related to the global tasks of education, but to the practice of relationships that will help you become better and your child feel happier.

Every girl is the best for her mother, every mother wants her daughter to acquire only the best qualities.

How not to make a mistake in raising a daughter so that all dreams, about her happy life become a reality?

How to become a role model for your daughter? After all, all her actions in the future will somehow reflect her upbringing in childhood.

What should not be allowed in communication with a daughter:

• An important task of a woman is to be a confident lady. A mother should never tell her daughter that she is sloppy and ugly. If at home they laugh at the shortcomings of a girl (too fat, too thin or tall), then this creates a fertile ground for the development of complexes in the child, and the matured girl is unlikely to become happy.
• When raising a daughter, forceful methods of punishment should be abandoned. Psychologists say that girls who have grown up in excessive severity and cruelty will have difficulties in arranging their personal lives in the future.
• Another function of a woman is to be a mistress. Who, if not a mother, can teach her daughter to be an assistant? Small chores around the house will provide an opportunity to develop the girl's independence, responsibility and self-confidence.
• Mom is the best role model for a little lady. If you want to raise your daughter to be happy and successful, start with yourself.

Raising a son

Is the upbringing of a mother as important for a son as the upbringing of a father - the answer is yes, it is very important.

• To become a good mother for your son, you need to treat him not as a baby, but as a man.
• Do not laugh at your son, a woman's mockery is always painful for a man. This negatively affects the formation of his self-esteem.
• From childhood, a boy should be able to take responsibility for his actions. Teach masculine character from childhood: encourage his independence, consult with your son in making decisions.
• Support his interests. Be genuinely interested in his hobbies. Self-realization for a man is the main component of his success.

How to be a good mom to a teenager

Until now, you have easily coped with the role of a mother, your baby loves you madly and runs to you with hugs. But one day everything can change dramatically - your son or daughter has matured. How not to lose contact with?

• Accept his maturity.
• Let him be independent, trust the child.
• Try to be flexible in your communication. In any conflict, it is better to find a compromise than just defend your side.
• Be interested in the affairs of the child, but do not bother with questions if the son or daughter does not want to tell something.
• Respect the personal space of a teenager, now this is no longer a baby to whom you can enter the room without knocking.
• Help your teen make choices, but don't pressure them.
• Learn to be responsible for decisions taken. Give yourself the opportunity to do something. Follow the principle - if it's not dangerous - it's allowed.

The transitional age is difficult, but it is temporary. Just be patient.

Is it possible to be a good mother and wife at the same time, how to keep up with everything?

A child will grow up happy only in a happy family. How, in daily care for children, how not to lose the old connection with your husband?

• Having taken on a bunch of household chores and worries about the baby, be sure to leave time for your hobbies, work. But remember that balance is everything. Your personal affairs should not be at odds with the needs of the family.
• A home for children and a husband should become the place where you want to return, where everyone feels calm and safe. Treat your household with understanding, first of all they will strive to come to you if they know that you will support them.
• Trying to be a good mother, do not forget about your husband. The child should not become the center of the family against the interests of the spouses. The combination of love and reasonable strictness will teach your children to respect family rules.
• Don't forget your appearance, remember, men love with their eyes. Face masks and simple exercise can be combined with household chores.
• Arrange evenings only alone with your husband. Give the children to relatives for a few hours. Well, if there is no one to help, then arrange a romantic dinner while the children are sleeping, this will bring new passion to your relationship.

In order to do everything, you need to learn to plan, your day, your goals. And then the status of mother and wife will only be a joy to you.

Along with taking care of your child on a daily basis, there are three main things to remember that will help you be a good mother: communication, love, and self-care.

• No matter how you build your educational process, love for the child is the most important thing. He must know that he is loved. Be as open as possible with your child.
• Don't skimp on praise. If you get angry, you punish only for a specific act. When punishing a child, scold, but do not evaluate the child's personality as a whole.
• Hug your child more often. Physical contact is very important for emotional development, for both boys and girls.
• Appreciate the individuality of your child. Treat hobbies with understanding and acceptance, try to show interest. Children are more willing to make contact if they see that parents are not indifferent to the personal interests of the child.

Self care

A calm and balanced mother is the best thing that can be in a family. Therefore, along with caring for children, you need to pay attention to yourself.

• Allow yourself rest. Caring for children, household chores take a lot of energy. The accumulated fatigue results in irritability, so in order not to break down on loved ones, arrange a daily rest for yourself. Half an hour or an hour a day just for yourself - this should become the rule in your family.
• A child, even the most desired one, should not become the center of life. Grow, make time for your hobbies. Children need to understand and appreciate your personal space and time. Otherwise, there is a risk of becoming a boring housewife. Is such a mother interesting to a child?
• Don't blame yourself for anything. There are no perfect mothers. If you have done wrong to a child, ask for forgiveness, but do not gnaw yourself with reproaches.

Being a mother and wife is a priceless happiness for every woman. But there is no need to chase the ideal, remember, the most important thing in the family that you can give to your loved ones is love. It is not easy to be, but by learning patience, love and understanding, you give the child the main thing - the opportunity to grow up happy.

What is a "good mom"? In the next video, a lecture by Ruslan Narushevich:

Instruction

First, stop comparing yourself and your baby to other moms and their babies. And do not try to fit yourself and yours under the general stereotypes of "goodness." You and your child have every right to be yourself and live the way you like.

You are unlikely to feel happy if you try to "embrace the immensity": to support perfect order in the house, to cook, to raise and educate the child, to work, and at the same time there should be time for yourself and your husband. With such attitudes, it is very easy to drive yourself into a stressful state, which will bring nothing good either to you or to you.

Set priorities for yourself and your baby. In the first place, of course, is what is vital: care that ensures health; maintaining the necessary order and cleanliness in the house (but without fanaticism). In second place is the healthy and positive state of the mother. On the third - support for a healthy family atmosphere and comfort. And then all the other things.

Find out for yourself what exactly these positions include from your point of view and follow this, despite the opinions of others. Accept for yourself that your vision of caring for a child and about the house may differ from the point of view of your mother, mother-in-law, etc. The main evaluation criterion is how you, the child and the father of the family feel.

Of course, there are some rules to follow when dealing with a child, especially when he is little and your lives no longer go according to plan. Always find time to talk and play with your baby. Ask how his day went, tell about your events.

While the child needs it, put him to bed. Kiss, hug, tell him you love him. Read or tell a story. Let your baby feel your love, attention and care. If they are expressed only in feeding, brushing teeth and moving between home, kindergarten or school, circles, and you will have neither the strength nor the time for the rest, then it is unlikely that your child will feel happy.

Always try to understand your child, look at the situation through his eyes. This will help you avoid many misunderstandings and disagreements and will provide the trust of the baby, which is simply necessary for good parenthood. Talk to your child at his level, i.e. if necessary, swear. This is especially important in the "clarification of relations."

Get your child involved in doing necessary action(housework, cleaning toys, studying, lessons, etc.). You can introduce a system of points and rewards. While consciousness is not at the proper level - this will save you time and nerves. But do not get carried away so as not to get a situation where the child will demand a reward for any of his actions.

Praise your child more often, try to yell at him less. Respect the personality in him from a very young age. The criterion of a really good mother is warm, trusting relationships in the family and the child's reciprocal desire to please their parents and show their love.

Related videos

It often happens that small children are left without parents. The reasons may be different: the death of the father and mother, the abandonment of the child due to illness or the inability to support him. And for the rest of their lives, most of these children dream of finding a family again, feeling parental warmth and affection. Many married couples accept children into the family, hoping that they will become friends with the child and replace his biological parents. This is especially true for women who are able to become so attached to the child, to love him, that it seems that the child becomes truly dear. But for this to happen, and he really saw you as the best mother, you need to go through several mandatory steps.

Instruction

Determine the reasons for your decision to adopt a baby, how great is your desire to raise him, care for him and take care of him. There is no need to romanticize the adoption situation, as it is shown in films or videos, in fact, you will face many difficulties and the collection of documents and certificates. If you are unable to have children for health reasons, adoption will be a good way out of this situation. Many with children during charity events or first invite the children for the weekend, and only then, having made a firm decision, are they accepted into the family. This option will allow you to better know the character and abilities of the baby, make friends with him.

Correctly assess your financial condition, because every year more and more funds will be required for the maintenance and education of the child. If the family has own children, evaluate whether you have enough money for everyone, whether there will be enough money for proper food and clothing for all family members.

Visit several orphanages to be sure of the choice of the baby, and not only groups, but also the elders. Perhaps you can establish contact with the child. It is very important at the time of adoption to feel that it is yours, to feel an invisible connection with him, so that he sees his mother in you, to you.

Try to find out from the staff of the orphanage as much information about the baby as possible: health status, interests and hobbies, psychological picture whether he has brothers and sisters, who were the parents of the child (especially in the case of social orphanhood, when the parents are alive, but deprived parental rights). This will allow you to make the right decision and prepare in advance for possible difficulties in communication.

Think about whether you and your family can give the child the necessary warmth and care. Psychologists advise not to make excessive demands on the baby and not to expect too much from him. Sometimes it happens that children who have not lived up to the expectations of their adoptive parents, who have upset them in some way, are returned back to shelters without understanding the reasons for such behavior. This is a severe psychological trauma for a child who may have needed more time to adapt to the family. In addition, if you already have children, explain to them how to behave with a new family member, so that even in moments of disputes and quarrels, they do not reproach the child for not being native, alien, or adopted. Your baby will close, stop communicating, will not trust you. Try to equally give your love and affection to all children, equally distribute responsibilities around the house, buy things and gifts, praise him for his successes and support him in everything. And then the child will one day say: “I have the most best mom!».

Related videos

Sources:

• Benefits for foster parents in 2017

Good children are the joy of parents, their support in old age. A child, if he loves mom and dad, takes care of their health, thinks about his behavior in the family and outside it already in the younger school age. But it is the parents who should give impetus to this, with their upbringing and love.

Instruction

If mom and dad make you better at preparing lessons and teachers at school, they care about your future. All decent parents want their children not to experience problems and difficulties in life. A good education is the foundation, the start for your career. Therefore, listen to the words of your parents and try, as far as possible, to do better in school and in other educational institutions.

When they prove to you that smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs are not allowed, this does not mean that mom and dad are hiding something interesting from you that is available only to adults. It only means that they are worried about your health, about your future life, which will be much better without these bad habits. Trust your parents, and medicine, and criminal statistics. Nicotine, alcohol and drugs do not lead to anything good.

Bring mom and dad, peace, joy and peace. Protect from anxiety, resentment, grief and stress. It's all within your power and control. The main thing is that in this way you make your future more successful and happy. By taking care of your parents, you are thereby preparing a platform for building your future family.

Evaluate your desires and actions from the point of view of elders. For example, when hanging out with friends on the street, do not forget to call your parents so that they do not worry about you. If mom is tired of washing the dishes after dinner - this is not at all difficult, but how pleasant for her beloved! Be interested in dad's affairs, try to share his hobbies if you are a boy. Feel all the charm of spiritual unity with a loved one, collecting equipment for hiking and fishing, talking about the secrets of the universe around a flickering fire.

The girl will be able to learn from her mother all her feminine secrets and tricks in the field of makeup, personal care and behavior in society. Help your parents with housework. Even a small but constantly performed duty brings great benefits.

Always inquire about the health of loved ones, notice signs of fatigue and bad mood. You can easily help your parents with your care - bring a cup of fresh tea to your mother, cover your dozing dad with a blanket, tell us about your academic success. Don't forget to prepare nice little gifts for the holidays. A child can do a lot of interesting and useful things with his own hands, you just need to look for the necessary information and make an effort.

In the morning, wish your beloved parents good morning and a good day, and in the evening, good night and good dreams.

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Relationships with parents are one of the key factors influencing life values ​​and aspirations. Being a good daughter or a good son: everyone can put their own priorities in this concept. However, there are several general principles, following which, you can make your parents happy.

Instruction

Try to understand what your parents need from you the most. You should do it easily, because your closest people have probably voiced their dreams, hopes and wishes more than once. At the same time, you should not try to please them in everything and live only by their aspirations. Sincere support, listening skills, calls, visits, kind words: this kind of attitude on the part of children is a universal way to make parents happy.

If your parents are prone to excessive anxiety, try not to scare or worry them over trifles. Do not make nervous, disappearing for a long time. If their direct participation in a difficult situation is not required, it is better not to inform them about it at all.

Treat your parents with respect. In life, alas, there are situations when relationships in the family do not add up. In this case, maintain a neutral position, do not allow yourself to scandal and sort things out, especially when it comes to older people. Set an example for your own children by your respectful behavior.

Make sure that your parents are calm for you. Being a good or a daughter can be very simple: demonstrate your independence and ability to find a way out of difficult situations. If you, as adults, do not cause unnecessary problems for mom and dad, they will be satisfied and happy for you. They will see their participation in your success, and this is another reason for pride.

Try to listen to your parents and thank them for their support. Not always people from another generation are useful to you. However, a good daughter or son is unlikely to demonstrate the uselessness of the opinions of the closest people. Often mom and dad also need your advice or help. Do your best to make your parents feel important to you.

"Real mother" - sometimes you can hear about this or that woman as praise or approval. However, the meaning of this epithet, many people invest completely different.

What are real mothers like?

According to psychologists, great importance has the childhood of the woman herself and her relationship with her own mother. Some dream of becoming as kind and loving as their mother. Others try to work out their own way, avoiding the mistakes made by their parents. The danger of this approach sometimes lies in permissiveness - children are allowed too much according to the principle: "I didn't have it, let my children have it." However, such upbringing is not yet a guarantee that a woman becomes a “real mother”.

There is an opinion that wisdom comes with experience, when a woman begins to raise not only a child, but to change herself. Often, new mothers note that after the birth of a child, they had to become more patient and restrained - perhaps these are steps towards becoming a so-called real mother ...

How to become a real mother to a non-native child

Sometimes women who are unable or hesitant to have a child naturally decide to adopt a girl from an orphanage. If, the process of addiction, according to psychologists, can be easier and faster. Children under one year old, taking into account the peculiarities of the psyche, easily switch and the period necessary to build relationships with a new mother may be painless. And it will be easier for a woman to get used to a small child - after all, wise nature has taken care of this: many begin to instinctively feel the desire to surround defenseless babies with care and attention, which will undoubtedly help them eventually become a real mother in the fullest sense of the word.

For those who decide to adopt an older child, of course, it will be easier in everyday life: sleepless nights due to cutting teeth and gradual addiction to the potty are already far behind. However, completely different problems may come to the fore. Children who are already 2-3 years old are able to store memories of their mother or loved ones, while experiencing completely different feelings - from pain and fear to anger and despair. To melt the ice in the soul of such a baby, you will have to work hard. But, having won his trust and love, mother will not only be “real”, but also the only one in the world. Perhaps this is something worth living for.

Almost every woman wants to be a good mother to her baby. It is important to raise a child smart, well-mannered, a good man, and with all this to remain for him a beloved mother.

Spend time with your child

Try to communicate with your child more often. Until he learns to talk, you will have to monologue. But when he learns to answer, talk to him on an equal footing. No need to lisp or brush off his problems. Listen carefully to his stories and ask questions. If you do not have time to talk, ask for forgiveness and promise to finish listening in the evening. Be sure to keep your promise so as not to undermine your authority. Daily communication will help build a close and trusting relationship with the child, which will help to overcome the difficult teenage period.

Show your love and care. It is very important for a child to feel the support of his parents. Praise him more often if he completed your assignment, give a reward for good behavior. But you don’t need to impose your desires on him, let him choose his hobbies himself. Don't forget to hug, stroke, massage and kiss him more often so that he learns to accept and express love.

Nurture and teach him. Don't rely entirely on Kindergarten or school, educate your child in your spare time. Sign up for development circles sport sections, music school or just study with him at home. Instill in him a love of knowledge so that he does not lag behind his peers and achieve success in life.

Don't be afraid to be strict. Parents need to be firm in order to properly raise a child. Sometimes children can misbehave, and so that they do not grow up to be rebellious, learn to subdue them. You don't have to yell or hit kids to show your authority. In a clear enough voice, explain that it is impossible to behave this way and give reasons. If he continues to act up, use threats, but only next time put them into action.

Follow the sequence in actions, rules and daily routine. Clearly and clearly let's understand the child what you want from him. If he is capricious, explain in a calm voice why you can’t behave like that and what will happen if he doesn’t obey. If he continues to act up, carry out your threat.

From time to time, you can go for small deviations from the regime, but explain to the baby the reasons. You do not need to blindly indulge his whims, but if there is an objective reason, you can make concessions. For example, if the child usually goes to bed at 21:00, and grandparents arrived at 20:30, let him sit with them.

Let's have a rest

Do not demand too much from yourself, take breaks for rest. Motherhood is hard work that takes 24 hours a day. Ask your husband or other relatives for help to sit with the baby. And at this time you have a little rest. Do not forget about yourself, because the child needs a happy and calm mother, and everything else will follow.

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Having learned about pregnancy, women begin to think about how they will raise a child. What needs to be done for this? When a baby is just born, the only thing that is required from a mother to be good is to satisfy all his needs.

Theoretical knowledge about the correct formation of the baby's body is necessary. You need to take care of his physical and mental development. At the slightest suspicion of health problems, you should seek the advice of a pediatrician.

Growing up, your little one, in addition to sleep and nutrition, will require attention to himself. Therefore, a good mother during the wakefulness of the child will be there. Until a certain age, the whole world of the child is enclosed in the mother. During this time, eye contact is very important. This is how the emotional relationship between children and mother is expressed. You need to leave all worries for later and take care of the baby.

Mom wants to hear from the child that she is the best. Perhaps an adult's concept of this is a little different from a child's. When your child has interests other than food and sleep, it becomes harder to find mutual language. There is effective ways how to behave with children in order to one day wait for the desired recognition.

A good mother always has time for her beloved child. Don't refuse to communicate with him. As a last resort, if you are very busy, promise to talk a little later. And as soon as you are free, sit down and talk. Parents should always be aware of the affairs of their beloved child. Communicate equally with children. They don't like being treated like they are little ones.

Respect the choice of the child. You can't say "no" all the time. Let him make mistakes, "fill bumps." Unless, of course, it's life-threatening. No need to force children to do what they do not want and forbid to do what they like. For example, playing the game musical instrument if he likes to play football more.

Your actions must be consistent. For example, you immediately said that you can’t take your phone, follow this ban. Even if the child begins to act up, do not back down. In the end, he will understand that your word is the law. This will lead to respect on his part.

Show love to your child. If he did something good, don't forget to praise him. Develop a reward system for doing the right thing. If something is bad, explain that it is impossible to do this and why. Always justify instructions. However, do not forget to say that you love the child, no matter what.

It has been observed that in a family where everyone often gathers together, children are happier. Joint trips, picnics and just family feasts bring more joy to children than new toys. Do not spare time and effort for a child, and then you will become the best mother.

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In the upbringing of children, the influence of each parent is based on rules that differ from each other. And in order for a child to grow up as a person, you need to make a lot of effort.

Whatever good friend you were not for your child, you still remain a mother for him, who should not only be friends, but also prepare him for adult life.

Even if you are very busy with work or household chores, doing this is not so difficult. You don't need to specifically study it. You are already a good mother to your child. Just follow a few rules to build a warm and trusting relationship with your baby:

1. Kiss and hug him often. The child needs tactile contact. So he feels your love for him.

2. Look into his eyes more often. Eye contact is just as important as touch. Look into his eyes with love and he will be happy.

3. Make time for him. Even 30 minutes a day of quality communication, when your thoughts are not busy with work or other worries, will give your child a sense of being needed.

4. Play the games he likes with him. Do not think at this moment about methods early development, just play and enjoy communication with your baby. Childhood passes very quickly, do not miss the opportunity to feel like a child again.

5. Praise more, criticize less. Criticism destroys even an adult, let alone a child.

6. Listen carefully when he has something to say or ask you. You are now the main person in his life and he trusts you. Put aside all your affairs for a minute and listen to your baby. Do not lose his trust in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

7. Tell your baby nice words that you love him, how you were waiting for him and that he is important to you. This will help him build a healthy self-esteem.

Following these rules will help you understand how to be a good mom. Listen to yourself, your baby and forgive yourself, even if you made some mistake. Forgive and move on. Don't let this weight of guilt ruin your relationship with your little one. And most importantly, enjoy this time. After all, children grow up very quickly, and childhood happens only once in a lifetime.